Lumos Maxima
by officialbookworm
Summary: Lily Evans doesn't hate James Potter, more of a very strong dislike. She thinks he is an arrogant moron who only cares about himself. However soon she finds out that there is a lot more to Potter than meets the eye. I suck at summaries so don't judge it till you've read it. Marauders Era. R R please. May contain swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1;

On platform nine and three-quarters on September 1st Lily Evans strolled onto the platform lugging her Hogwarts trunk behind her. She looked back at her parents and smiled, they may have been muggles but they loved the wizard world too, the glee was written all over their faces.

This was Lily's first day of her seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and she was ecstatic. That feeling that only her return to Hogwarts could summon. She looked around and felt that familiar feeling of happiness as she took in the scene around her.

She always loved the atmosphere at platform nine and three quarters. Friends raced around calling for each other after a long summer apart. You could see the frightened first years, their faces a mixture of nervous energy and excitement. Lily remembered that feeling of nervous anticipation, because she was a muggle-born she had no idea any of this had existed before she had her letter. She watched the children milling around whilst keeping an eye out for any of her friends – Marlene Mckinnon and Mary MacDonald.

The familiar sight of the scarlet steam train loomed up before her and she was struck with the emotion she'd been trying to bury - this would be her last first day of Hogwarts. Thinking about it she would experience many more 'last firsts' this year. The thought made her uncomfortable; she pushed it out of her mind hastily and turned to her parents.

"I'll be fine here; you don't have to wait around if you don't want to." She said to her mum and dad. She knew it was a lie as soon as the words left her mouth, she would miss her parents terribly whilst at school. Any time she had left with them before the school year resumed felt precious when she let her mind wonder back to the muggle world in Hogwarts. Apparently they could tell she was lying too.

"No its fine dear, you know we love to see you off and help you board your things onto the train." said mum.

"Okay thank you, just as long it doesn't inconvenience you." said Lily.

Her father smiled at her and took her trunk from her, heaving it onto the platform. "There you go Lils."

"I hope you have a brilliant year, write to me whenever you can! I'm so proud of you for making the Head Girl spot." said mum, her face glowing with pride at her daughters achievements. She reached forward and gently traced her fingers along the Head Girl badge that adjourned the front of Lily's robes. The badge shimmered in the bright light of the platform. It looked a little like a flare when the gleam of the badge set against the radiant colour of her auburn hair.

A lump formed in Lily's throat, she swallowed it down and smiled at her mother. "Thanks mum, I will. I'll miss you this year!"

"We'll miss you too," said dad. He absentmindedly grabbed her mother's hand with one hand and reached out for Lily's. She took his outstretched hand just like she had whenever she needed reassurance or kindness from her father. Lily let go of her father's hand and reached out to embrace her parents. She buried her head in the small gap found in between the two pairs of the shoulders blades and almost forgot all her worries about the Wizard World and that new evil villain guy – Moldy something? Or Voldy? She wasn't sure. She let go and stared into the eyes of the people that she cared about most in the world.

"I had better get on the train, you know, Head Girl duties and all. I have to set an example," when Lily said the last bit she puffed out her chest and did her best imitation of her grandmother's stern voice.

Her parents shared a look as if to say _Yeah, our daughter has officially lost all sense of her remaining sanity_ and quickly embraced her again before shooing her off to board the train. "Okay bye Lils, be good! Write to us sometime this week and we'll see you again at Christmas! I love you," mum said.

"I love you too mum, you too dad."

"Love you too, I'm so proud of you bud," said dad, Lily did a double take at the use of the childhood nickname her father had given her. A small smile spread across her features.

Then she started to walk away, she paused a small distance away and waved at her parents through the haze of steam circulating around the platform. She caught a look full of anxiousness cross the faces of her parents then it vanished as soon as it appeared so quick she may have imagined it. Her parents had been a little anxious about the idea of sending her away to school when there was so much conflict between the wizard world at the moment. She'd never took into consideration how it might affect her parents, and even if she did the thought terrified her so much she repressed it as soon as it surfaced. Sending your daughter away to an unknown place in the midst of a feud must fill you with all sorts of horrifying scenarios. She couldn't live with the idea of something happening to her whilst her parents remained wistfully ignorant, unaware of the danger Lily might be in. The idea of not knowing something that could happen to your own flesh and blood was too horrible to bear and what –

"Lily!" shouted a voice from behind Lily, snapping her out of her reverie. She turned and saw Marlene Mckinnon and Mary MacDonald strolling towards her through the crowd. When they reached her they shared a hug and smiled at her.

"Hey," said Lily. She had missed her friends an awful lot over the summer. They had exchanged a few letters and met up on several occasions but it just wasn't the same as sharing a dorm room with them for months.

Marlene immediately launched into a story about the holiday she had over the summer and a boy that she had met. Classic Marly. Marlene had a rather babyish face that was incongruously set against the curvy figure that you could make out from her clothes. She had hazel eyes, the kind of eyes that told you if you messed with this girl she'd hit you in the face with a frying a pan. She was tall with lush blond curls that cascaded down her back. Her skin was tanned from the holiday she just been on and made her look older. She was bubbly, confident and didn't let much get her down. She was one of the funniest people Lily had ever encountered. She caught the attention of everyone and they all seemed to think she was great, a fact she was very aware of.

Mary gave Lily a look and rolled her eyes at Marlene. Mary was a little different from Marlene. She was small and soft rather than tall and curvy. She had piercing blue eyes like whirlpools and a soft, round face that still held small remnants from the baby fat she didn't seem able to be rid of. She had mid-length black hair that could usually be found in a pony tail at he back of her head. She appeared shy and innocent to outsiders and preferred it that. You couldn't have been more wrong. She was loud and talkative when she was comfortable with her surroundings and held the hearts of many lads in her year, even though she was oblivious to it all. She didn't really like attention so avoided it whenever she could. In other words, she was an almost perfect contrast to Marlene.

"Yes Mar, 'cos we've never heard that one before," snickered Mary. The sarcasm seemed like second nature to Mary, she used it that often. She was smirking though, so it was plainly harmless banter.

"Shut up Mary. How were both your summers?" said Marlene.

"Great thanks, how was yours? Can we board the train please? I think the train is about to leave," said Lily. As if on cue the train let out a burst of steam and the engines purred to life.

"Sure, I'll tell you about it on the train," Marlene exclaimed over the sudden noise increase. Lily made her way to the train with her friends, dragging her trunk along in her wake. It made a faint _thump-thump_ noise as it was pulled along the slightly uneven ground.

She made it onto the train but was pulled away from her friends in the force of the crowd surging through the doors of the train. She staggered, willing herself to regain her balance. She couldn't appear weak in front of these people, not now she was Head Girl. Almost against her will she glanced down at the badge that was pinned to the front of her Hogwarts uniform. She smiled in spite of herself, she couldn't get over the fact that she had been handed such a responsibility, not that she hadn't dreamed it would be hers someday. Since first year and she had gazed up at the current Head Girl she had fantasized about how that job was made for her. Enforcing rules, taking responsibility, it's what she was best at.

Not for the first time since she received her letter she wondered who the Head Boy was, she didn't recall it saying that piece of information in the letter. _It's got to be Remus_ she thought, _there's no other boy in our year that deserves it more._ She only knew that she was really anxious to find out who her co-head's identity was. It sounds a little cheesy if you think about it like that, like one of those murder mysteries where you're given the names of both likely and unlikely candidates and you have to trust your judgement and the facts before you to come to a decision. _I have really a bizarre train of thought_ she thought.

"OW!" a voice behind her exclaimed. Lily turned and saw the messy hair and the lop-sided glasses before realising who it was. He had grown a few inches over the summer so he was nearly a head taller than her now. His messy, black hair was the same as always, sticking up anyway it saw fit. Completely uncontrollable, just like the person underneath it. The hazel eyes were the same too, they were lit up with a mischievous glint in them at the moment, that look was never good. The signature lop-sided grin was plastered across his face as if to say _Yeah I know you want me, but there's a queue so you'll have to wait in the line babes._ Lily was instantly filled with a blinding anger that only one person in the world seemed capable of getting out of her.

James Potter.

"What do you want, Potter?" she snapped. She never had any patience when it came to this particular wizard.

"Hey, Evans. nice to see you too. Yes, I had a great summer, thanks for asking," he just grinned at her, that grin that made her want to slap him the face and inflict severe pain.

"Go away, Potter. I think my clear hostility towards you just now made it abundantly clear that I have no interest in idle chit-chat."

"Oh, Evans, I had no idea your vocabulary stretched that far." He said with a smirk.

"Funny one, that was. Who was it again that got 7 Outstanding OWLS? You? Oh I must be mistaken." She grinned devilishly at his haughty expression. That showed him.

"Oh now, no need to get arrogant, that's my job. If you're going for low blows I'd like to ask, who is quidditch captain again?" He had her there, she tried to think of something to say that would anger him.

"I strongly dislike quidditch, therefore if by some odd chance that Dumbledore lost his mind and I _was_ made quiddicth captain you wouldn't be seeing any wins this season. Just bare that in mind."

"Dually noted, Red."

"Don't call me Red."

"Alright, Ginger."

"Shut up, you hippogriff's backside."

"Kneazle."

"Niffler."

"Flobberworm."

"Oh, this is pathetic. What am I still doing here? I'm sure there's a lot more productive things I could do to consume my time."

"I highly doubt that. Who wouldn't want to spend time with all this?" He said seductively whilst dramatically flicking his hands along the length of his body. Lily just rolled her eyes at him as he added, "And, I seem to recall that _you_ stepped on _my _foot."

"Oh did I? Oh well, you'll live. As long as your internal organs are still in tact there's nothing _major_ to worry about. Now I'm leaving, excuse me," she attempted to barge past him but he didn't seem to want the conversation to end. He stepped into the path and she had no choice but to come to a stop. The height difference was almost laughable when they were standing this close. She tried to make herself look a little taller without anyone noticing but stumbled and fell on non-other than Potter. She instinctively reached out and clutched her arms before she could hit the ground. She squirmed herself out of his grip and took a step back, she was furious.

"Potter, I'm not joking. Get out of my way," she snarled at him.

"As you wish, your highness," he said with mock respect. He even did a stupid little bow, just to embarrass her further. She purposely knocked into him on the way past but he didn't seem perturbed by it.

"Bye, Evans. I'll catch you later!" she could hear the depth of the humour and sarcasm underlining that sentence. _He will certainly _not _catch me later_ she inwardly seethed.

Lily made her way down the corridor of the train in search of her friends, relieved to find it mostly clear of students now. As she passed cabins she recognised a few people among the new students. She passed a compartment filled with Slytherin seventh years, she involuntarily shuddered. They seemed to have a personal vendetta against Lily and she could probably guess why. MudBlood. That's all they thought she was. She was laughably outnumbered against a compartment full of Slytherins if they did try anything. She caught a glimpse of her old best friend – Severus Snape. A sudden wave of battling emotions hit her. She missed him terribly, but what he had called her was unforgiveable, especially since he had insisted that what his fellow Slytherins had called her was a nasty lie. As if sensing her presence he looked up and locked eyes with her. She couldn't move, she was paralysed on the spot. His eyes seemed to reflect all the regret that had built up since the incident at the end of fifth year. His expression morphed into one that resembled the old Sev, not the death eater wannabee that had stolen her best friend. Then just as quickly as he had looked at her, he averted his eyes and gave his attention back to his fellow Slytherins.

Lily looked down, feeling a little put out. _He's bad news_ she scolded herself. _He doesn't matter anymore, he's not your Severus anymore._ But as soon as she thought it she knew that he would always matter, he was her roots. Her first link to the world she never knew had existed, a connection she could never bear to permanently sever.

She blinked tears out of her eyes hastily. She couldn't break down every time she saw Severus Snape, she had to come to terms with the cold harsh truth or it would tear her apart. Some wounds never do heal, but she would find a way. She had to.

She passed compartments with friends lounging around comfortably on the quilted seats around the perimeter of the space. People playing exploding snap, eating Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans and trading chocolate frog cards. The gossip cycle would soon be back in business; Lily just hoped none of the vulgar rumours that usually circulated the gossip cycle involved her.

She eventually found her friends in an apartment near the back of the train and hopped inside, closing the door swiftly behind her.

"Hello," she greeted her friends. She looked around and saw Marlene and Mary staring back at her, clearly happy to see her.

"Hey Lils, what took you so long? You've been gone quite a while," enquired Marlene.

"Got a bit lost in the crowd then bumped into James Potter. Ugh, the great prat. He really knows how to piss me off," Lily let out a clear sigh of exasperation.

"Oh come on Lils, he's not that bad. He's been chasing you for, what? 5 years now? When are you going to give in?" she smirked at Lily's outraged expression. "Just kidding."

"Yeah, I'm going to find him this very second and snog him 'cos I just find him _that _irresistible," Lily said sarcastically. Just for extra effect she gestured dramatically with her hands.

Mary laughed and looked back down at the book nestled on her lap. Mary was never without a book in her possession.

"So, Marlene, spill." Lily said, remembering she hadn't told them about her latest interest.

Her face lit up at being asked to recount it. "Oh, he was _gorgeous! _He was funny, sensitive but not too much, interesting and he was _so_ into me. Oh, and did I mention he was gorgeous?" She said, a dreamy look was plastered across her face, her eyes glassed over. "You'd have loved him, Lily," she added as an afterthought.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"He runs away when he sees a bowtruckle, too."

"That was one time!"

"Still ran away though."

"It was staring and snarling at me like it was sizing me up for a dinner plate!"

"So easily spooked, Lils."

"Says the girl who won't leave her room on Friday the 13th because of the 'bad luck infiltrating the air'."

"Oh, that was a low blow, Lillian Jane Evans."

"You know I'm joking, Marly." Lily grinned at her friends indignant face, that was already morphing into a softer expression.

"If you two are quite finished I'd like to read this chapter for Charms without having my head feel like it's caving in," exclaimed Mary somewhere from Lily's right.

"Sorry, Mar. Don't be so over-dramatic, it doesn't suit you," said Marlene.

"Very funny, McKinnon."

"What time is it? Lily enquired.

Marlene glanced down at the watch around her wrist, "About quarter to 12, why?"

"I'd better go to the Prefect meeting, can't have a prefect meeting without the Head Girl, after all," Lily grinned at her friends as realisation dawned on their faces. They let out a squeal so loud Lily had to cover her ears.

"Oh Merlin, Lils! Well done, we knew you'd get the job! You should have mentioned it before!"

"Yeah, you'll be brilliant! Think of the opportunities!"

"Thank you, don't get over-excited now Marlene McKinnon." Shooting her friend a look. "Well I'd better get going," Lily made her way to the door but hesitated. She turned back to her friends. "Do any of you know who the Head Boy is?"

"Yes, it's Peter."

"You're joking." Lily mouth hung open so wide you could fly a hippogriff inside.

"Of course I am! So gullible, Lily. You should get that sorted out if you're going to be any use to Dumbledore this year."

"Shut it, MacDonald."

"You'll have to tell us everything when you get back from the meeting!" exclaimed Marlene.

"Promise, I'll catch you later!" said Lily as she turned back towards the door and headed to the front of the train.

On her way to the Prefect meeting she suddenly became very nervous. Trickles of sweat beaded in her palms as they started to tremble slightly. She could feel her legs going to jelly. _What is your problem? Get a grip Lily _she scolded. She couldn't let the nerves get the better of her when she entered that meeting, especially in front of the mystery Head Boy. Her stomach was in knots, a sure sign of her nerves. She passed the lunch cart on her way and was half tempted to get purchase something to calm her nerves but she thought it might make it worse. She kept walking.

After a journey that seemed to go on forever she reached the compartment where the prefects' meeting was being held. She reached for the door handle and wavered slightly. She tried to get hold of her bearings. _Deep breaths Lily, you can do this, stop being a pansy._ Lily took a deep breath and opened the door.

Standing there amongst all the prefects was the last person she'd want as her fellow head.

James Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily stared in confusion as she took in the scene around her. Prefects sitting around the edges of the compartment scattered haphazardly. The plush cushions scattered around the room, some occupied, some vacant. They were a complete mish-mash of students from all houses – Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Slytherin standing or sitting with friends; however there was a clear space between the other houses and Slytherin, but that didn't surprise Lily. It was always like that. They were chatting amongst themselves when in the middle of the room, and standing there like the great prat he is, was James bloody Potter.

"POTTER!?" Lily shrieked at him. He was just standing there like nothing was out of the ordinary, like it was perfectly plausible for the schools biggest trouble maker to be in a room full of prefects. Lily's anger was overflowing, pulsing through her veins and raising the blood to the surface of her skin. She really couldn't describe how much she despised this boy; he just really knew how to push her buttons, to press her past the point of rational thinking.

Potter looked up at the sound of his name and smirked, his face full of amusement at her obvious discomfort. That smirk, she wanted to slap it off his face once and for all. "Yes, Evans?" he asked, feigning innocence.

"What do you think you are doing here?" Lily crossed her hands over her chest and openly glared at him.

"Well I was just wandering around the train aimlessly and I had a sudden urge, no an unattainable _need_, to come to the prefects meeting, you know that's what I do. I do love to cause a ruckus whenever I get the chance, perfectly normal thing for me to do. Come on Evans, why do you think I'm here? I'm Head Boy," he said it blandly, but Lily could see through the cracks in his words, the carefully concealed pride and astonishment he was going through when he said the words 'Head Boy', knowing they were associated with him.

"Haha, of course you are. And I just got a call from the Chudley Cannons asking if I wanted to be their new beater. If you're going to joke about something, you at least have to make it believable," Lily retorted. She never joked around with people much, but any sense of her sanity seemed to dissolve when I came to a verbal argument with Potter.

"Oh, Evans, a little bit cranky today, aren't we? Never thought you had a decent joke in you. The Cannons lost all their credibility years ago by the way, Red, you could at _least _have chosen a team that wasn't laughed out of the quidditch league. You also have more of a chasers build, if you don't mind me saying." He just smirked at her, which did nothing to subdue her growing anger. Oh he thought he was _so _funny.

"Don't call me Red! And I don't like quidditch, it was a joke. Therefore take all your useless knowledge on the topic and take a long flight on a short broomstick."

"I didn't know you didn't like quidditch," he joked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"There's a lot you don't know about me," Lily's voice went dangerously low. She was getting wickedly close to a topic that she did not feel comfortable discussing with the person she classed as her arch-enemy. She knew that if he got her riled up she might mention some things that are completely unutterable.

"Oh, like what?" he enquired. The question didn't seem genuine, he spoke it almost lazily, but when you could read people's emotions as well as Lily could you could easily tell when there was more than they were letting on. Now seemed like one of those times.

"That isn't any of your business," Lily said haughtily. She wanted to get off this conversation very quickly; she was a little unsettled at where it might end. She always revealed too much when she was in an argument; she didn't want to say anything for Potter to bait her with in the future. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"Ooooh, touchy," he grinned at her. The grin was full of arrogance and twinge of something else but it seemed so bizarre to be seen on his face that Lily thought she must be imagining it.

"Dumbledore must finally have lost the plot." Lily murmured exasperatedly.

"Oh, is that so, Red?"

"Again, don't call me Red."

"Then don't have ginger hair," he retorted childishly.

"Like I can do much about my _natural hair colour_, you cretin! And whilst we're on the subject of hair I could advise you to brush yours. It seems to have an uncanny resemblance to a rotting birds nest."

"Like you're one to talk!"

By now they had to attention of everyone in the compartment. Whenever Lily or James said anything the prefects heads swivelled around to look at them like you would if you were watching an on-going tennis match, constantly moving your head from side to side to keep up. Some were watching them with rapt attention, some with obvious boredom but there didn't seem to be anything else to do so they listened in anyway.

"Just leave it Potter. Did you steal the badge off Remus or something? How could Dumbledore make _you_ Head boy?" she laughed humourlessly when she said the last bit, just to add to the hilarity of what he was saying. The idea that James big-head Potter was Head Boy was just too laughable for her to think clearly.

A look of genuine hurt flashed across his face, like he could actually be capable of feeling emotions other than humour. The look quickly vanished as he regained his composure. "Do you really think I would steal the badge off someone just to get at you? You must think very highly of me then,"

"You'd do anything for a joke. You don't take anything seriously and you're about as mature as the giant squid during feeding time. Nothing would surprise me with you anymore, you're conceited and arrogant and don't follow the rules which coincidentally is essential to be Head Boy. You have to be responsible and dependable, all the qualities that you have proved you lack," she knew she sounded like a bitch but she didn't care. All the pent up anger and hurt she had been feeling for the past few weeks seemed to be pouring out of her and she couldn't seem to stop it, no matter who it hurt.

The remaining remnants of humour that were on his face vanished so quickly it may have been painful. His expression morphed into one drowned with anger, and a lot of it.

"Oh so the truth's out now, huh? That's what you think of me? Well thanks for the honesty Evans, I really appreciate the vote of confidence. I really don't need a lecture from you about all the things that I need to be but fail to accomplish, so please don't waste your breath next time," and with that he stormed out of the compartment and slammed the door shut behind him, making a noise loud enough to make the occupants closest to it flinch.

A very awkward silence followed after Potters' abrupt exit. All the prefects stared at Lily with different expressions on their faces – amusement, confusion, nervousness. Lily looked down, embarrassed. She couldn't believe all those nasty things she'd said in the heat of the moment. All the anger drained out of her, like Potter had taken it all with him. She felt a twinge of guilt and nearly flinched with surprise, she felt sorry for Potter? Not possible. She cleared her throat in an attempt to regain control over her emotions; she had to get the meeting started. The prefects were relying on her. She was never any good at public speaking so she took a deep breath to clear her nerves.

"Well, erm, hello everyone. Thank you for coming and well done on being made prefects. Sorry about that short outburst by the way. I have made a timetable for the corridor patrol for the train ride. I'll pass it out at the end of the meeting. Anyway, the Head Boy and I shall create a roster for the regular patrols of the castle and shall post it in the prefects lounge when we arrive at school. You will be paired up with the other prefect in the same year and house as you when you patrol. You will be issued with the common room passwords when we get to the school. I think that's it for now. Any questions?"

There was a murmur of decline throughout the compartment which clearly signalled the end of the meeting. "Okay then, you can go back to your compartments now if you wish. Remember to take a patrol schedule for the train ride from me before you go. I'll contact you soon about the next prefect meeting when I have the roster for the castle patrols. I'll find out the passwords soon and let you all know. Thanks for coming," Lily handed the rosters out to all the prefects before they left and smiled at them, which probably seemed as false to them as it did to her.

She blindly gave out the rosters, not even paying attention to the prefects as they took one and left. She felt tremendously guilty, she had meant most of the things she had said admittedly, but she hadn't meant to blurt it out in front of a compartment full of prefects. Even if the idea repulsed her she knew she had to apologise or the guilt would consume her. She'd find Potter when she left the compartment and apologise for her outburst. With that in mind she handed the last prefect the roster and left.

She found Potter in a compartment not too far from the ones her friends were occupying. She curtains on the doors were closed but she could tell this was the Marauders compartment from the noise. She reached out her hand to knock but hesitated. Was she really about to apologise to the person she had sworn to loathe? She took and a deep breath and went for it; she knocked on the door, waiting for someone inside it to notice her presence. The result was almost immediate; the door flew open to show a rather feverish Remus Lupin. She smiled at him, out of the Marauders he was the one she got on best with.

Remus had also been hit with a growth spurt over the summer; he had gained a few inches, putting a little more distance between their eye levels. He had brown hair that was a little wild and seemed to stick out in a few awkward places but nothing compared to Potters' mane. He had a few scars on his face, the old scratch below his eye seemed more prominent than the last time she had seen him. This was because Remus Lupin was a werewolf, but not the big scary, buff kind that intimidated everyone and was basically uncontrollable. He was one of the nicest people Lily had ever met. They hadn't really spoken much before they were both chosen to be prefects in fifth year. However when he frequently failed to attend meetings that 'accidentally' happened around every full moon it aroused Lily's suspicions. Eventually she had plucked up the courage to confront him about it. The conversation had gone a little like this…

_Flashback_

Lily really needed to find Remus.

She'd just come form the Library, having cleverly figured out Remus' little secret. Well, it had taken her hours to come to this particular conclusion, but she was certain she was correct. Now she just needed to find the damn boy.

She had searched everywhere, the kitchens, the common room, the great hall and the prefects bathroom but he seemed to have disappeared off the face of the planet. She was due to patrol with him in about half an hour anyway but she wanted to talk to him as soon as possible. Hence why she was running around the school like a niffler after something shiny.

Just when she had nearly given up, Lily saw Remus turning a corner up ahead, if she was ever going to go through with this she'd have to do it now. "Remus. REMUS!" She shouted when he didn't seem to have heard her bellowing his name.

He turned when he heard her, a friendly smile growing on his face when he saw that it was Lily. "Hello, Lily. I thought our patrol wasn't until 8?"

"No, it's still then, I just wanted to -_needed _to really - talk to you." She said seriously.

"Okay, shoot," Remus said, not quite grasping the air of the situation. She lead him into a more secluded part of the corridor they were in before she continued.

"Remus, there's no point in being philosophical with this so I'm just going to get straight to the point, are you a werewolf?"

"Wha-? N-no, what would make you say that?" he looked clearly shaken; she felt a twinge of sympathy.

"It just fits that's all, you couldn't really believe you could keep something like this a secret from me when we're both prefects? We practically meet every other night for duties!"

"N-no, you must be mistaken." He said curtly, obviously very uncomfortable. Lily noticed that he wouldn't quite meet her eye when he said that. Was he lying to her?

"Oh, okay then. I'll meet you outside the common room at 8 for patrols." Lily's expression was unreadable, but Remus must of seen something in it as he shouted her name when she was part way down the corridor.

"Look Lily, there's no easy way to say this but yes, I am. I couldn't let you walk off knowing I'd lied to someone I trusted. I know you'll probably be disgusted by me but-" he looked so vulnerable as he said that that Lily could almost feel her heart wrench.

"Disgusted by you? Why would I be disgusted by you?" She demanded, completely bewildered.

"I'm a monster, once every month I transform into a furry death trap! How can you possibly _not _be repulsed by me?" He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So do most girls! Remus, you big dolt! You're one of the kindest people I have ever met, just because you have lycanthropy doesn't automatically mean you're a monster!"

"Too much information here, Lils. Really? You're not just saying that to spare my feelings?" he looked hopeful now, and a little startled at what she had said.

"Of course not, you're still the same Remus Lupin that I patrol with every week!" She felt such pity for the boy standing before her she didn't know quite what to do with herself.

"Lily, you have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that. No one other than James, Sirius and Peter have been so understanding when it came to my lycanthropy," he smiled at her then. A warm, friendly smile, as if he was seeing her in a completely new light, one that he hadn't been aware of before.

She returned the smile, glad to have gotten Remus in a better mood. "As long as you don't suddenly sprout furry ears or start digging for a bone or something when we're patrolling."

He grinned at her then, and a genuine one at that. "Deal, oh by the way I probably don't need to ask you this but could you keep this a secret? I couldn't handle it if anyone else knew."

"Naturally." She gave him an affirmative nod to signify her understanding.

"You're sure we're still friends? That you knowing won't change anything?"

"Yes, I am sure that that will _never _happen."

"Okay, are you positive?"

"Undoubtedly positive."

"Absolutely sure?"

"Remus."

"Yes?"

"For the last time, _yes_," and as he looked like he was going to ask her again she hastily added, "And if you ask me again I will be forced to repetitively poke you in the side of the head in a desperate attempt to mend your delusional brain." She smiled sweetly, utterly incongruous to the threat she had just posed.

He held his hands up in mock surrender and relented, an amused smirk on his face. "Okay, okay," was all he said.

"Good. Now come on, we may as well start patrolling," Lily said, linking her arm through his and guiding him down the nearest corridor.

_End of Flashback_

Ever since then they had become pretty good friends. Remus was always there if she ever had a problem or something was on her mind. They had never really spoken about his confession since it happened, but it always remained in the back of Lily's mind whenever she saw him. He looked very similar as he had that day as he raised an eyebrow at her when he saw her waiting outside his compartment. She could tell from his appearance that the full moon was close; he always looked ill and feverish on the days leading up to his transformation. She never really spoke to the Marauders unless she needed to, she certainly didn't deliberately come to their compartment. That may have been the reason that Remus was staring at her in confusion.

"Lily? What are you doing here? Not that I'm not glad to see you but I never really see you on the train rides," he enquired politely. There was something under his words though, something deep and hidden that she couldn't quite place. But she knew he wasn't telling her something, something that was obviously relatively important.

"I was looking for Potter actually, is he in your compartment?" she heard the uncertainty in her own voice, however much she had tried to conceal it. This was her last chance to turn around and leave. She could never go back from this if she did it. She did it.

"Yeah, he's in here," he dropped his voice to a whisper. "He's been a bit off since the prefects meeting. What happened there? I missed the meeting today because I wasn't feeling very well, sorry about that by the way, did I miss anything important?" he raised an eyebrow as she blushed whilst explaining the shouting match she had exchanged with Potter in a room full of prefects. Amusement and surprise crossed his face when she was done.

"You actually said all that stuff?" his voice was full of disbelief.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here. I wasn't in the best of moods and I lashed out. I regret it and want to tell him that," she spoke defiantly, as if there was no other option but to try and correct the wrong she had made and no one would change her mind. "Just to be clear, he wasn't joking when he said he was Head Boy was he?" she added, in spite of herself.

He looked down right startled now, like an apology from Lily Evans was the most ludicrous event in the world. "You want to _apologise_? And yes, he is head boy and is just as surprised about it as you are." He genuinely sounded happy for his friends achievements, even if he was a little surprised himself. Lily thought that Remus was guaranteed for the head boy-ship. He was very smart, responsible, a prefect and a stickler for the rules - okay he a _was _marauder, so for _most _rules...

"Yes I do, now please could you get him before I regain my sanity and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction?" she knew she sounded whiny when she said it but she couldn't find it in herself to care. She had to get it over with before she lost her nerve.

"Okay, I'll be quick, just so you don't have a mental relapse while I'm away," he looked her with amusement in every line of his face, turned and raised his voice. "Prongs, Lily is here to see you!"

"Evans?" a voice inquired from inside the cabin. The owner was obviously James'; he also sounded surprised to be in this situation. _Merlin, can't a girl come to someone's compartment without the whole world questioning it?_ She thought haughtily.

"Yes, Evans is here and she wants to talk to you," said Remus, he said it like you would talk to a 4 year old when teaching them how to count, over-emphasising every syllable to diminish any confusion. The use of the nickname 'Evans' she seemed to have inherited from the other three marauders sounded foreign and wrong when Remus said it, he only ever called her Lily.

She heard the shuffling of shoes against carpet from the other side of the door and James Potter materialised in front of her. He looked the same as he had earlier, maybe a little put out but incidentally still in one piece.

"You called, Evans?" he said sharply. Obviously this was going to be harder than she had previously anticipated.

"Erm, yeah. Listen, Potter, what I said in the prefects meeting, I apologise for that. I was a little stressed and I lashed out at you. There is no excuse for it, it wasn't intentional though and I'm sorry. I was out of order saying all those things to you, especially in front of all the prefects. So yeah, um, I'm sorry. That's it I guess," she finished awkwardly. Lily found she couldn't quite meet his eyes as she spoke, she found that it was easier to stare at something else, anything other than his face. Something permanent was more appropriate to focus on when she had difficulties getting her words out, not something that could rile her up again easily.

"Oh, erm, okay then. You feeling alright, Evans? You've never apologised to me before," he said it like an accusation, like he was trying to make her feel guilty for never bothering with him other than to argue with him in the past. He did look kind of happy when she was finished and what was that expression? Hopeful? Why would he be hopeful? Her mind went into overdrive, desperately trying to figure out what she had said and how he might interpret it. He also looked a little awkward at her apology, like he didn't really know what to think of it or how to take it. Lily couldn't blame him, she wouldn't believe it if her sworn enemy shouted at her and insulted her in a room full of her peers then had a sudden and very unexpected mood change and apologised to her afterwards. He looked at her curiously, trying to find any traces of insincerity in her voice. Lily's body tensed all over; she didn't like being under his intense gaze like this.

When he finally looked satisfied that she was sincere he said a simple, "Okay," and averted his eyes from hers, seemingly uncomfortable.

Lily was gobsmacked, after all that courage it took to get here, all the pride she had to swallow down just to mutter a few words and say all that to him just for him to say 'Okay' in return. She could feel her anger building up again like a raging inferno; she tried to regain her self-control. It didn't work very well.

"Okay? _Okay_?! After everything I just said to you and all you reply is 'okay'?" she was nearly shouting at him by the end of. The conversation inside the compartment suddenly cut-off at the sound of her raised voice.

James looked a little offended. "What else is there to say?"

"ANYTHING," Lily exploded. "Bloody anything except 'okay'!"

He said nothing. He simply stared at her. She probably didnt look very appealing right now. Lily looked in the nearest window and saw herself looking back at her. With her startling red hair cascading down her back in ringlets, a wild mane of locks. Her usually pale cheeks flushed red with the anger seeping out of her through every syllable she uttered. Her over-bright green eyes clashed horribly with the red from her face and hair. But as she looked at James she didn't see anything in his face that might say he didn't like her appearance. Startlingly, she saw a raw longing written on his face, like he was staring at something beautiful and terrifying that would never give him a chance, that would break his heart and burn the remains. Lily would have thought it impossible for James' face to perform that expression, but there it was. He looked oddly vulnerable when he looked like that, his self-made mask of wit and humour slipping away before her very eyes. She felt another wave of blood rush to the surface of her face whilst under his gaze.

He looked down, his eyes glassed over. He avoided eye contact with her, bent his head, muttered something incomprehensible and hurried back into the compartment, shutting the door behind him. Just before the door shut completely she saw embarrassment and that same longing from before on his features. The longing less prominent than before, but still indefinitely present. Lily stood there dumbly and stared after him. _What just happened?_ She puzzled. _Why did he run away?_

After a few minutes she shook herself out of her daze and made her way back to her friends' compartment. It was a short walk back; she didn't have the patience for another long walk on her own so hurried back to her friends.

When she reached the compartment she saw a very similar scene to what she had left nearly an hour ago. Mary sprawled on one side joking with Marlene and a book precariously balanced on her lap and Marlene on the other side with a magazine on her lap, talking to Mary, with the exception that they both had pumpkin pasties too. They both looked up when Lily came in and smiled. "Hey Lils, how was the meeting?" asked Mary.

"Fine," Lily said stiffly. She wasn't in the mood for a conversation at the moment, even with her two best friends. She very rarely kept things from them but she really wasn't in the mood to chat right now. Fortunately they seemed to read her expression as they didn't enquire any further.

"Alright then, let us know if you want to talk," Marlene smiled at her encouragingly. She felt a rush of affection towards her worried friends.

"Yeah, thanks guys. I just want to think for a bit though. I'll talk later," Lily said; her friends nodded knowingly. She made her way to the window seat.

She stared out of the window, trying to clear her muddled thoughts. She saw grassy landscapes zooming by, lost by the speed of the train. The sky was clear blue, completely cloudless, an ironic contrast to the jumbled thoughts rolling through Lily's head right now.

She long ago vowed to give up trying to determine the meaning of James' actions but this time she couldn't help herself. Lily desperately tried to figure out what it all meant, but it was completely useless. She couldn't understand what had upset him or made him take off like that so suddenly. She tried to distract herself and to get lost in the view outside like she always could but all she could see was that hurt and embarrassed look on James' face as he turned away from her, as if the image was permanently imprinted on the inside of her eye-lids.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3;

"LILY!" Lily heard a voice shout her name. She looked up and saw her mother, father and sister alone in the middle of a field. However that isn't the thing that troubled her, it was the fact that they were attached to a mossy stick about 2 metres high impaled in the grass. At the top of the stick was what looked like a lump of dirt with twigs protruding from it at odd angles. They were situated on a flat, grassy expanse that appeared to be in the middle of nowhere. It was eerily silent, not even a simple chirp from a bird or slight rustle of leaves in the wind could be heard. It was empty except for Lily and her family.

As she inched closer she could decipher that rope was twined around their torsos and ankles, securing them in place without causing too much discomfort. _What are they doing here? _She thought. The thing at the top of the stick she thought was dirt turned out to be mud. It was wet and dripping down from the top, smearing the tops of their heads and leaving faint traces of dirt on their faces.

"Mum? Dad? Petunia? What are you doing here?" She enquired. The scene sent a chill down her spine, like someone was trickling cold water down her back. She couldn't diminish the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

"We were sent here," said her mum. She appeared to be unharmed, clearly shaken up. Lily could make out the mud droplets outlining her face more clearly now, like a pretty picture damaged by rain. She also looked defeated, like she had fought a battle and lost in the struggle.

"Sent here? By who? Tell me what happened!" Lily cried. Her hands kept crept to her pocket where she knew her wand was hidden in her school robes. She slipped her hand inside and felt the smooth wood underneath her fingertips. She didn't draw it yet though, she felt like she was waiting for something.

"We-" Dad started but never finished that sentence. At that moment a sudden noise filled the air, the swish of robes and malicious laughter. The sound made Lily want to crawl underneath a rock and hide, it repulsed her. The noise seemed to reverberate through the ground and travel through the air, consuming everything in its path. It was completely out of place in this peaceful landscape.

A sudden gust of wind caught Lily by surprise and sent her sprawling on the ground before she could regain her balance. A sudden chill engulfed her and made her tremble uncontrollably. She looked up and saw a pair of snake like eyes looking down at her. She felt herself tense all over. She knew that face. He face in every ones nightmares, the one everyone was talking about. The one who placed fear in even the toughest of wizards and the fiercest of witches. The face that made wizards cry for their mummies. She just didn't think she would ever see him in person, but here he was.

Lord Voldemort.

"Hello, Lily Evans," he sneered at her. His slit-like eyes held so much hatred and anger Lily almost cringed away from him. She knew she couldn't do that though, she wouldn't show even a single trace of fear whilst in his presence.

She stared at him in stunned silence. Lily couldn't move, she seemed to be paralysed on the spot. She found that when she tried to move her arms that she was unable to perform the gesture, she was literally paralysed. She openly glared at Voldemort, she knew she'd probably die for it but she didn't care.

"Yes, I jinxed you. It'd be easier to get the job done without unnecessary interference, Mudblood," he looked at Lily with an expression full of contempt. He over-pronounced the word 'Mudblood'.

"What job? What are you talking about?" she squeaked. Fear gripped her, that icy feeling had returned and with it came a flood of panic. Why were her parents here? What was this mad man going to do?

"You'll see," he smirked, a smirk full of smugness at Lily's position. The sight made Lily's skin crawl.

Lily was staring at the mud at the top of the post, desperately trying to figure out what it meant. Everything Voldemort did had a purpose, even if it was subtle. Subtlety was the best kind, it made you think and use your brain. He must have seen her staring for he said, "Ah, yes, the mud was a personal favourite of mine." A manic gleam sprung to his eyes, making Lily feel very uncomfortable. She continued to stare at the post, not giving the slightest inclination that she even heard his words. This only seemed to annoy him further, as he jerked his wand a little and Lily felt her head whip around to face him, like an invisible hand had forced her head to move without her permission.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He bellowed at her, causing her to flinch slightly at the sudden rise in volume. When he had her attention he dropped his voice to a soft purr, Lily personally found this more disturbing than his previous shouting.

"Your kind are vile, you don't deserve to own a wand. To feel the power of uttering an incantation that could change lives, alter realities, determine futures! You and your kind don't understand the leniency you receive from wizards. We tolerate you, but that shouldn't have to happen." He sneered at her, trying to get some sort of reaction out of her. His attempts were useless.

Lily, not wanting to look Voldemort in the eye, was again staring at the post in which her family was tied to. What was the significance of the dirt? She could vaguely understand the rest of his actions, but this threw her. Was it supposed to be symbolic? To represent something of importance? A hidden message that she was supposed to fear? Her mind couldn't process it, she felt like she'd been hit in the head with an exceptionally large bludger. Her thoughts and ideas muddled together, only one thought leaving any kind of impression on the teenager. And realisation struck. Mud. Mudblood. He'd covered her family in mud to show her how unimportant she and her muggle parents were to people like him.

Worthless.

Dirt.

Mud.

Mudblood.

"Yes," finally catching on why she was gazing so intently at the post, a deranged smirk appeared on his face, giving Lily goose bumps. "You like the mud? I thought it was a nice touch, after all, you are a _mud_blood." Lily continued to stare resolutely at the post and her family. She felt so incredibly guilty for them being here, it was obviously her fault. She wouldn't give Voldemort the satisfaction of gaining a response from her though, so she ignored him.

After Lily gave no response he seemed to get bored. He began strolling towards Lily's parents. Voldemort's robes swished around his feet as he walked, circulating around his ankles. He held his wand between his hands, not ready to strike though, more like a habit he couldn't get out of. The sight of Voldemort was bad enough, but Voldemort with his wand in his hand and that expression on his face was even more mortifying. Lily's mind buzzed with unanswered questions. What was Voldemort doing here? How did he know who she was? Why were her parents here and tied up?

Lily's body nearly exploded with panic when Voldemort stopped fiddling with his wand and pointed it straight at her mother. Lily knew that with a quick, careless flick of his wrist and the uttering of an incantation her mother's life could be snuffed out like a candle.

"Mudblood, this is what happens when you threaten the purity of one of the most prominent wizarding blood lines to this day," Voldemort snarled, like she was a cockroach he was deciding whether to stamp on yet or play with before he kills.

"What are you talking about?" Lily was completely baffled. She also knew she needed to keep him talking, to try and save her parents. Maybe if she caused a distraction she could- What? Cast a counter-jinx when she was rendered immobile and free her family? That would be impossible.

"You hold the key to James Potter's affection," his hand tightened on his wand when he spoke to her, turning his knuckles white from the pressure.

"What? This is about Potter?" She was well and truly lost now.

"Yes, he desires you whether you like it or not. That in itself is potentially a dangerous disruption to his family's blood line. A Mudblood destroying a perfectly intact pure blood line that hasn't been tainted by filthy muggle blood? That is something I couldn't allow to happen," he spoke it like a chore. Like the idea of destroying a whole family of muggles and a muggle born was nothing to him. _We are nothing to him. _She thought. He could kill 4 people and not be miffed by it at all, hed probably go out and celebrate after. The thought sickened Lily so much she had to resist the urge to heave.

"I'm not interested in Potter, at all, and I never will be,"

"I can't allow a possibility like that to remain when it is in my power to end it," He sounded bored now, like their lives were boring him. Lily couldn't believe her ears; her life was hanging in the balance along with her family's lives because Potter had a crush on her? The idea was laughable, but looking up at Voldemort's face she knew he was serious, he would kill 4 people just to assure James' blood line remained 'pure'.

"You're mad, completely and utterly mad," she said. She knew she should keep her mouth shut but she wanted his anger to be aimed at her and not her family. They were innocent in this. She despised being helpless, just sitting here whilst herself and her family died. She wanted more than anything to be able to fight back, to die on her feet in battle, not like a coward. If she had to die it wouldn't be like this. It'd be during battle, with a wand in her hand, a strategy in her head and knowing she did all she could do for the world before she left it behind.

"Not mad, practical is a more appropriate term," her plan had failed. As he said it his attention fell on her family tied together in the middle of the field. Voldemort aimed his wand at Mrs Evans first.

"Say good-bye to your family, mudblood," His eye didn't leave Lily's mothers face as he spoke.

Lily let out a sob. She felt terrible, her family was about to die because of her and there was nothing she could to prevent it. Tears streamed down Lily's face and splashed onto her lap. She tried to wipe them away but remembered that her body was immobile. Voldemort waved his hand and the ropes fell away from around her family. She thought for a second that they might bolt, get out of here before he could do anything but even as she thought out she knew how ridiculous it sounded. You couldn't out-run someone like Voldemort.

Voldemort flicked his wrist and her mother crumpled to the ground like a sack of potatoes, the life having been wrenched from her body. Another sob rocked Lily's body. Voldemort then trained his wand on Petunia, with another flick of his wrist Petunia fell to the ground and landed spread-eagled beside Lily's mother. The wand then landed on her father. With another careless twitch her father became another life taken away by a man with a stick in his hand.

Lily felt numb and hollow, like the life had been sucked out of her and she was left empty – like what she had just witnessed happening to her family. She couldn't breathe, it was impossible. She stared at her family's bodies lying on the ground, hardly believing what she had just seen. Her whole family gone in a matter of seconds, and it was completely and undeniably her fault. She tasted salt in her mouth and discovered that she had released another flood of tears without realising.

Voldemort then turned on her. "I did warn you," he said as he trained his wand on her, pointing it straight in her face. A beam of light shot from the tip of Voldemort's wand and Lily was engulfed in the endless darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4;

Lily woke with a start. She was still on the train to Hogwarts thankfully, not in a field surrounded by the corpses of her recently deceased family. It was dark outside now; she must have been asleep for the whole ride to Hogwarts. She had apparently fallen asleep with her face pressed against the window as there was a smudge on it from where she had been breathing, leaving a large condensation mark in its place. She was drenched in a cold sweat; her top stuck to her body. She was trembling all over. She reached up to her face and her hand came back wet, she had cried in her sleep. She hastily wiped any remaining tears away, hoping none of he friends noticed would notice.

She looked around the compartment and saw Mary and Marlene scrambling around, desperately trying to get changed into their school robes. The train must be close to Hogwarts now. She looked down and saw that her robes were crumbled from a fitful slumber; she tried to flatten out the creases and make herself look presentable. She also tried to tame her wild hair and calm herself down before she reached Hogwarts. The newly instated head girl couldn't be seen in such a ghastly state on her first day of duty.

Mary then noticed that she was awake and said, "Oh look, sleeping beauty's finally conscious. Nice nap? We didn't want to wake you until we had to," Then, seeming to notice the state Lily was in added, "Are you alright? You look a little flustered," the concern was obvious.

"Yeah, I'm fine thanks. Just a bad dream," Lily was vague when it came to the topic of her dreams; she didn't feel comfortable sharing them with anyone. She thought that if she ever voiced them out loud they may become true and she couldn't handle that.

The truth is Lily had had dreams similar to this one for weeks now; however they had never contained Voldemort before. She'd been having them ever since her granddad had died during the summer holidays. His death had shaken her pretty badly; he had been her best friend when she was little. She hadn't told her friends about her granddad either, the only people who knew were her family. She couldn't bring herself to say it out loud, that would make it real and Lily was still stuck in the early stages of her grieving. Every dream was in different circumstances but always resulted in the same end - Lily's family dead at her feet and it was her fault. The dreams only ended when she had died too, having watched her entire family crumble before her very eyes. She had begun to dread sleeping at all because she knew that sleep inevitably brought bad dreams with it.

"Okay, well we're nearly at Hogwarts, we're about 5 minutes from Hogsmeade station," she informed Lily.

"Okay, I had better get out there. Y'know, show the first years where to go and supervise it all," said Lily.

"Okay, we'll catch you at the feast. We'll save you a seat," Marlene said whilst putting on her shoes.

Lily headed to the door and reached for the handle, she slid the door open and walked into the corridor, completely lost in thought. She couldn't shake the feeling of uneasiness that she carried around like a weight ever since the death of her grandfather. His death had hit her pretty hard admittedly but she didn't understand why these dreams had suddenly sprung from her grieving mind and haunted her in her sleep.

Her granddad had been her favourite family member. She remembered when she was little, he would pick her up and place her on his shoulders and she'd squeal with laughter. Whenever she was upset he'd hug her and reassure that everything would be alright and call her 'bud', no matter how old she was. She missed him so much. It had only been 4 weeks since he'd died and she hadn't said it out loud once. Not once. That was really sad. She just couldn't bring herself to do it, physically saying it would make the pain more realistic and Lily still tried to cling to the thought that it wasn't true, just a cruel joke to torture her.

She wandered down the corridor of the train whilst people rushed about trying to get all their possessions together and put their uniform on. Wrappers littered the carpet all along the floor of the train. The sky outside was dark; the only clear illumination were the lanterns lit along the platform that came into view as the train neared the station. The train whistled, clearly signalling the train's arrival at Hogsmeade station. At the sound of the whistle students went into a frenzy, desperately attempting to get all their belongings in order to avoid the usual rush to get off the train.

Lily stepped outside and was struck by how cold it was. She wrapped her robes more tightly around her as she made her way towards the front of the station to supervise the carriages. A flood of students streamed through the doors from the train just as Lily had made her way off it.

"Firs' years, this way!" a voice bellowed above the noise and general chaos. Lily looked around and saw Hagrid towering over everyone else. He was mostly in shadow at the moment but you could tell who I was just by looking at the outline of him.

Lily had always liked Hagrid, ever since first year when she had gotten lost in her first few weeks of being at Hogwarts. She had been trying to locate the Charms classroom at the time but ended up near the greenhouses. She had been miserable, feeling incredibly stupid for getting lost. In her despair she had started to cry because that was the most rational thing an 11 year old did when they didn't know what to do. Hagrid had found her soon after and coaxed her into coming back to his cabin with him. He had calmed her down and spoke to her until she was okay and walked her to her next lesson afterwards. He'd even got her out of trouble for missing Charms. She had been so grateful. Ever since then she had visited him regularly in his cabin, eating rock cakes and sharing stories with one another.

She approached him as she made her way across the platform. "Hello Hagrid," she smiled up at him, the size difference was laughable. He was nearly twice her size and twice her width. He was wearing his signature mole skin coat, filled with an assortment of objects never found in your everyday coat. Classic Hagrid.

"'Ello Lily, yeh alrigh'?" he enquired.

"Yeah I'm okay thanks. How are you?" she lied. She didn't want to repeat anything about her dreams; just thinking about them made her afraid they would suffocate her. Plus she didn't want to burden him with her problems; they were only dreams after all. _There's no point worrying everyone over something so trivial,_ she mused.

"I'm alrigh', got some crackin new creatures to look after this year," he grinned at her. His chest puffed out a little as he said that, obviously proud that he was trusted in the grounds, and for the lives of these creatures. Lily, not personally fond of magical creatures, tried to show some enthusiasm at the topic. She probably failed.

"No one could look after magical creatures better than you, Hagrid. I'd better get going, you know, make sure everything goes smoothly," she said. That was partly true. She did need to supervise the carriage trip but she didn't have to do it right away. She wanted some time to breathe, she felt like she might suffocate. She slowly walked past Hagrid, towards the opposite end of the station. "Okay, bye Lily!" he called after her. Hagrid went the other way, rounding up first years and taking them to the boats awaiting them on the lake.

As she approached the other end of the platform she saw the horse-less carriages waiting obediently for students to fill them. Lily had always wondered how the carriages worked, whether they were bewitched or pulled by an invisible force. She had found out last year from Hagrid that they were pulled by Thestrals, winged, skeletal creatures that only revealed themselves to you at a terrible burden - if you have seen death. He had seemed reluctant to tell her at the time, but she had insisted. Ever since then the carriages had freaked her out a little. There were about 100 carriages or so in total, enough to get all second through seventh year students up to the school.

Lily felt someone brush past her side. She turned and saw the back of James Potter's head walking away from her, accompanied by Remus. His shoulders were slumped. Had he just blatantly ignored her? He'd never done that before, the cold shoulder was a foreign feeling to the redhead. He never usually missed an oppurunity to provoke her in some way. Remus turned and smiled when he saw her but James just carried on walking, as if Lily wasn't even there at all.

As students began to file into the carriages Lily tried to keep her mind on the task at hand. It didn't work. Whenever Lily got distracted she was haunted by images from the dreams she'd been having or she'd over-think her issues and freak herself out a little or think about her granddad. She couldn't think about her granddad though. The other two worries were bearable but thinking about her granddad was still a raw pain, she knew if she let her mind wander back to him every time she lost her concentration she'd slowly break apart. Pushing her problems to the back of her mind was the only thing keeping her from falling apart at the seams.

When all the students except herself and the Marauders had gotten into a carriage Lily hopped into the last one, soon followed by the boys. She didn't really get on very well with 75% of the Marauders. She was obviously good friends with Remus, the main reason being that they were both prefects. She didn't like James, ever since that disagreement they had had on the train ride to Hogwarts in first year. From then on him and Sirius had taunted her and angered her whenever possible. Sirius was loud and very mischievous; he kept her busy as a prefect. Whenever a prank was pulled at Hogwarts he was usually the one behind it, along with one of the other Marauders obviously. She didn't really get along with him because of Potter. They were usually inseparable. And Peter was rather quiet, she hardly ever spoke to him, he seemed like the tag-along out of them all. He was easily over looked, over shadowed against the other Marauders. They were all pretty handsome too. Sirius and James in that rugged, windswept way as if they had just spent the whole day on a broom stick but came off looking better than before. Remus in that nerdy way, the sweet kind of handsome that made you feel comfortable. Peter in the short and chubby way, the kind of handsome that labelled you as adorable.

Lily placed her hand on the side of the carriage for leverage but missed the step. She didn't even have time to acknowledge that she was falling when a pair of lean arms grabbed her gently to keep her from hitting the ground. The hands let her go as soon as they could; she turned and saw James Potter looking sheepishly away from her, subtly retracting his arms. He was noticeably avoiding her gaze again. She quickly turned back towards the carriage, getting a firmer grip on the sides this time to prevent a reoccurrence of her stumble.

"Hey there, Evans," said Sirius. He was the biggest prankster Lily had ever met, and the biggest troublemaker. He was a player when it came to girls, no doubt about that. He had a different snogging partner every week and had a reputation among he whole school. Honestly he was hot, which he was very aware of and a fact he never let you forget. He was more lanky than muscly, slightly different from Potter, who was both. He had black hair that was just level with his chin, falling into his eyes casually. His grey eyes always contained a sparkle of mischief, a trait most girls found endearing. It just irritated her. They were never dull considering their colour was grey.

She nodded in his direction, "Black,"

"Not very talkative today, Red?" he smirked. He was lounging in the seats without a care in the world. He only seemed capable of conjuring one facial expression – amusement. Sometimes Lily wanted to shake him, so the façade would slip and she could see what he was really like, not the face he put on in public. There had to be more to the gryffindor than laughter and immaturity.

"Not really, no," she said vaguely. She was aware of Remus looking at her curiously during the brief exchange with Sirius, James was dutifully ignoring the fact that she was there at all. Peter was just staring dumbly into space.

"Is it because prongsie over here is present?" He enquired, quirking a brow at her.

"Definitely," she said sarcastically.

"I knew it! I obviously have a gift for reading people."

"Inevitably."

"It's like a sixth sense, y'know? Just comes naturally."

"I say you have a strong aptitude for Divination, Black."

Sirius snorted. "Which is why I dropped it half way through third year."

"Minor setback," she said dismissively. "You'll be giving Professor Mopsus a good run for his money."

"I know, talent like this needs to be noticed."

"Exactly, expertise like yours needs to be grabbed with both hands while you have the chance."

He grinned mischievously. "You'd know all about using your hands, wouldn't you, Red?"

"Get your head out of the gutter, Black." Lily said seriously, even though she was fighting a smirk.

Sirius merely grinned at her and turned to converse with Peter who looked up with rapt attention. Meanwhile Lily just sat there, trying to keep her mind from wandering back to the places she so desperately tried to bury in the depths of her mind. She noticed Remus looking at her curiously, James was still avoiding eye contact with her, she thought she was the only one who noticed that something was up with him. She was wrong.

"What's up, Mr grumpy pants?" Sirius teased James.

"What? Oh nothing, I'm fine, I can't wait for the feast though," he feigned excitement at the prospect of food, Lily could tell he was only saying it to cover up what was troubling him. Lily glanced at Remus, seeing if he noticed it too. But Remus was just sat there, apparently lost in thought, too busy to pay much attention to the conversation unfolding around him.

Sirius grinned as if this was what he had expected to hear. "Me too, Prongs. That's why we're best friends, you and me. We set our priorities straight, food and girls above all else."

James snorted. "Sure, _that's_ the reason, Padfoot." Sirius just smirked knowingly in response, nothing further as said on the matter.

As they got closer to the castle, Lily was struck again by the fact that this would be her last ride up to Hogwarts to enjoy the start of year feast. The idea depressed her; she wasn't looking forward to leaving school. She knew what she wanted to do when she left school, that was the easy part, but the idea of leaving the safe walls of Hogwarts and plonked in the middle of a war was terrifying. It'd be even harder for Lily though, as she was muggle born and that was looked down upon these days, she might not even be accepted for the job she wanted. Lily wanted to be a Healer. Ever since she had had a potion explode in her face in second year and had to be treated in the hospital wing to get rid of a face full of boils sprouting from her features she had been awestruck when she saw all the spells and potions that came with being a Healer. She wanted to do something useful, especially during a war. The only problem was that to be a Healer you were required to have at least 5 NEWTS with exceeds expectations or more to be in with a chance and Lily was worried her grades were going to slip this year.

She shook herself out of her thoughts and tried to follow the conversation happening around her.

"- yeah, I heard she fancies you, Moony," Sirius was saying to Remus.

"Yeah, of course she does, Padfoot," The sarcasm was evident, even Lily, who was hardly paying attention, could hear it colouring his tone.

"Who wouldn't want a bit of 'The Lupin'?"

"Oh, how your wit astounds me, Padfoot,"

"I try, I try."

"You're still wrong though."

"Okay then, let's ask Evans. Evans, your friend, Mary, doesn't she fancy Moony?" asked Sirius.

"I'm not sure, I haven't really spoken to her today," this was partially true. Lily had only briefly conversed with her today but she knew for a fact that Mary did like Remus. Mary had liked Remus since fifth year but hadn't had the nerve to do anything about it. She had only told Lily and Marlene half way through their sixth year, a fact both Lily and Marlene had delighted in bringing up whenever they could.

Lily noticed Remus had gone a little pink in the face, a suppressed blush. Lily seemed to be the only one to have noticed. _Maybe he likes her back._ Lily thought. _If he does, I have to try and get them together._

"You're supposed to support me on this, Red." Sirius said, shooting her a glare.

"Well, I'm sorry for disappointing you."

"You should be, you should feel dreadful for potentially ruining the start of a new relationship."

"Don't be so melodramatic, Black." She turned to Remus. "Do you like _her_, Remus?" she asked him innocently.

He didn't say anything, just took a new found interest in his very polished shoes. Lily could see a slight colour rising in his cheeks from where she sat. Sirius grinned, "I knew it," he said whilst enthusiastically punching the air. "Our lil' Moony's growing up!"

"Shut up, Padfoot," snapped Remus half-heartedly. Lily felt little guilty for bringing it up now, she didn't want to cause any trouble. She shot Remus an apologetic look.

Fortunately, the carriage got to Hogwarts before the matter could be pursued. The carriage reached he school gates and soon Lily was standing outside the castle. Lily's breath caught as she looked up at the castle. It would never fail to take her breath away. Every year she stood in this same spot, staring up at all the different turrets and towers protruding from the structure like the many tentacles of an octupus, but less grotesquely of course. The light coming from inside the castle was like a warm glow, friendly and familiar. The feeling that this would be the last first time she saw the castle like this returned, more prominent this time. She quickly diminished it though, the sight made her too happy to think negatively for long. She walked to the doors and couldn't keep a smile from creeping onto her face. She was home.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5;

When Lily walked through the main doors of the castle she was hit by the warmth emanating from the fires adorning the entrance hall. Lily was starving, just the thought of food made her mouth water in anticipation for the feast. Her stomach rumbled. All the worries she'd been harbouring since her granddads death reduced from a painful stab wound to a dull ache. She felt purely happy for the first time in weeks. A genuine grin spread across her features, illuminating her face.

She walked across the entrance hall and towards the great hall, relishing in the familiar sight around her. Candelabras decorated the walls around the room, casting a warm glow across the entire hall. The marble staircase lay opposite Lily, reflecting light in all directions. The doors to the dingy Dungeons stood in its usual place leading to the Slytherin common room, as did the entrance to the kitchens and Hufflepuff common room on the other side. The marble staircase was located in the middle of the entrance hall, leading to the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw common rooms. Lily continued across the entrance hall until she stood outside the doors to the great hall.

When she stepped inside she couldn't help but inhale sharply. The usual chatter that echoed off the walls was replaced by hoarse whispering. The usual happy attitude that seeped into every particle in your body and filled you with joy was gone. The scene was almost depressing. Hogwarts, depressing? Lily didn't think that was possible, but obviously she was wrong, the atmosphere around her proved that.

Everything was as it usually was, except the mood. The four long house tables were in their usual place. The tables seemed to glisten in the light radiating from the thousands of candles floating above their heads. Every now and then Lily saw a translucent figure hover near her, but she knew it was only the school ghosts.

The staff table was still in the usual place, the only teacher absent was Professor McGonagall. She was probably standing in the outer chamber near the back of the hall, explaining the sorting to a group of terrified first years anxiously waiting to be sorted. Lily looked to the right of McGonagall's absent seat and saw Dumbledore. However he didn't look like how she remembered the professor, he appeared to have aged another 20 years over the summer holidays. Even though he seemed content enough, Lily could clearly see the crinkles in his face were more frequent and more pronounced and there were dark shadows outlining his eyes – similar to the ones that would undoubtedly be found under Lily's green pupils. That may have been one of the reasons for the drastic change in the schools mood. Lily's eyes wandered further down the table and rested on Professor Slughorn. His usual rounded belly was still the same; in fact he didn't look any different. Hagrid caught her eye and sent a smile her way; she returned it and made her way to the Gryffindor table.

As she walked to the Gryffindor table Lily couldn't help but notice how pairs of eyes followed her as she went, sending her a mixture of looks. Most came from the Slytherins, which she was used too, but they seemed different this time, more intense. Some saw her, bent their heads and whispered something to their neighbour. Some openly glared at her; some even offered false smiles and quickly looked away, like Lily might petrify them if they looked at her for too long. Lily, uncomfortable with so many eyes on her, raised her head a little but picked up the pace. Soon she was at the Gryffindor table. She soon located Marlene and Mary near the top of the table and slid into a seat opposite them. She noticed that the Marauders weren't very far away, laughing and joking around, seemingly oblivious to the dreary atmosphere around them. Lily also detected that James wasn't joining in with his friends' enjoyment as much as usual. He seemed visibly troubled, Lily didn't know why that bothered her though.

"Hey, what's up with everyone today?" Lily asked curiously. If ever you needed to know something you were almost guaranteed the answer if you asked Marlene, she was such a gossip.

"There's been an incident, to use the term loosely." She paused for a second. "You know Professor Ashcroft? The Defence against the dark arts teacher we had last year? Well she was found in her office, dead," explained Marlene. Mary hung her head, unable to speak. Mary was always sensitive like that. The weight of the last word hung in the air; it was a moment before any of them spoke again.

"Dead? What do you mean, dead?" Lily's mind couldn't wrap around the information, she had gotten on well with Professor Ashcroft, how could she be dead? The happiness Lily felt before had completely evaporated now, replaced with more worries to add to the pile. She had quite an extensive collection of them at the moment.

"What I said is what I meant, she's dead. A couple second years went to her office before the feast to apologise for not doing their homework or something stupid and completely irrelevant and they found her dead. Apparently she hadn't been dead long before they found her, I feel sorry for the second years that found her though, and they're still in shock, poor sods." Marlene informed her grimly. _Wow, _Lily thought. _Marlene is better informed than I gave her credit for._

"How do you know all this?" asked Lily out of interest.

"I overheard the second years involved informing McGonagall when they were asked to recount their story," Oh, well that explained how everyone seemed to know, if Marlene knew, everyone knew. And it explained why almost the entire school was morbidly depressed at the moment.

"Oh," Lily said dejectedly. There didn't seem like anything else to say. An awkward silence followed, no one wanting to break it but not being able to stand the tension. Soon enough there was no need to break it because McGonagall waltzed in, followed by the terrified first years and the entire room went silent. McGonagall looked as stern and proper as always. Not giving away the slightest inkling of there even being a death within their numbers.

Everyone watched as she placed the sorting hat and stool at the front of the room and walked away, waiting patiently for the hat to perform its usual duty. The brim in the hat opened and it started singing its song.

However Lily wasn't paying attention to the song or the sorting, her mind was buzzing with questions that she couldn't seem to find the answer to, which only made her more irritable. What had happened to Professor Ashcroft? Why would someone murder her? She was harmless. She remembered when Professor Ashcroft had always been kind to her, comforting her when she needed it. She was always recommending interesting books from the library that she thought Lily might like. They had had quite a lot in common, which was one of the reasons Lily enjoyed her company. But most of all she had been a muggle-born like Lily, so when the intensity of Voldemort's reign increased and sent almost the entirety of Slytherin house into an anti-muggleborn frenzy the previous year, Professor Ashcroft was mainly the one that Lily spoke to about her worries.

Lily was very conscious of the eyes of a lot of students at the Slytherin table giving her reproachful looks, she tried to ignore it. She glanced near the top of the table to avoid their stares and saw James Potter discreetly looking in Lily's direction; their eyes locked for a second and he quickly looked away, embarrassed. _So I was right_, _he is avoiding me. Oh well, I have enough to worry about without him being added to the list. _Lily thought bitterly.

As the sorting finished Lily's attention slowly began to revert back to Professor McGonagall who had nearly finished sifting through the first years. _We have a relatively decent batch this year, _Lily mused whilst glancing at the bottom end of the table where the first years were situated. Since she was head girl and everything she should probably be paying more attention to the new students in her house but at that moment Lily couldn't find it in herself to care much.

As the sorting concluded with 'Zabini, Waldon' being made Slytherin, McGonagall wound up the scroll, picked up the stool and the now motionless hat and made her way out of the hall. She was back in a few seconds though, minus the hat, scroll and stool. She took her seat at the teachers table and waited for Dumbledore to announce the feast. And sure enough just as she was sitting down Dumbledore rose from his chair and glided to the podium. He spread his arms wide, as if to embrace each and every person in the hall and announced, "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! I only have 4 words to say for the time being as I'm sure you're all famished… let the feast begin!"

Just then all the goblet and plates filled with all the delicacies you could possibly wish for. Everything from shepherd's pie and chicken legs to roasts beef in a glazed sauce and vegetables were present. Then there were all the varieties of beverages on offer. The house elves really had outdone themselves this year, almost like they had anticipated the bad news they would be welcomed back with.

The students didn't need to be told twice, everyone made a mad grab for the dishes nearest to them. It was every man, woman and child for themselves in the frenzy that followed Dumbledore's brief statement. All that was visible was a sea of chicken legs being wielded around like swords and other food items being swung around by over-enthusiastic first years.

Lily and her friends kept a level head when faced with this though; they were used to this at most feasts. Lily placed a piece of beef on her plate with a certain amount of grace, as did Mary, Marlene just didn't care about what people thought of her. It was rather amusing to watch the inevitable pandemonium at the start of a large feast like this one. The only students that usually become a little over-excited are first and second years, with the exception of Sirius Black of course.

Lily snuck a glance to her right at the Marauders, being rewarded with the hilarious image of Sirius trying to shove half a chicken inside his mouth along with the potatoes that were on Peter's plate a few seconds prior. Peter, oblivious to the fact that it was Sirius to blame for the subtraction of a large portion of his meal, looked around puzzled, obviously wondering where half his food had disappeared to. Peter then looked at Sirius and realization dawned on his face. He shot him an annoyed look, which looked very out of place on his innocent face and threw his last potato in Sirius' direction. The flying spud whirled through the air and landed a good 3 feet away from Sirius and into the drink of an unfortunate fourth year. Rambunctious laughter simultaneously erupted from Sirius and Peter, a rather unpleasant sight to look at when Sirius had his mouth full. Lily hid a smirk herself as she glanced at James and Remus to see their reactions.

Remus' carefully controlled face had slipped a little to reveal a slither of hilarity beneath the usual mask but it was James' reaction that shocked Lily. He looked almost bored, like he couldn't care less about what was happening around him. He was sitting solemnly with a small but noticeable distance between himself and the other marauders. James was fiddling with his food, just idly pushing it around his nearly full plate, having no intention to eat any of it. As if sensing her staring in his direction, James lifted his head and looked directly at Lily. Something seemed to shift in his expression when he looked at her. Again, almost as soon as there gazes met he averted his eyes and went back to pointlessly messing with his food, trying to act natural. Lily looked down at her plate too, a little confused by the whole encounter.

Before she could think any further into it the desserts appeared on the table. Again, the house elves really had done themselves proud tonight. Chocolate cakes, sponge cakes, carrot cakes, apple pies and cherry pies were flawlessly presented on tiered stands. There was mad rush for the new produce for the second time tonight, even if this time it was a little slower than before due to everyone's fuller bellies. Everyone helped themselves to dessert and then waited anxiously for Dumbledore to stand and address the hall.

When most people in the hall had finished, Dumbledore stood and made his way to the podium. It looked like even Dumbledore was a little uneasy about the state of the wizarding world with the threat of Voldemort being so large. The thought unnerved Lily a little. Dumbledore was rumoured to be the only one Voldemort feared, so if Dumbledore's a little worried what hope have the rest of them got against him and his ranks?

"So! Now that we are all fed and watered, I must once more ask for your attention while I give out a few notices. Mr. Filch, the caretaker, has asked me to tell you that the list of objects forbidden inside the castle has this year been extended to include Biting Boomerangs. The full list now includes four hundred and two items, to my knowledge, and can be seen in Mr. Filch's office, if anybody would like to check it. As ever, I would like to remind you all that the Forest in the grounds is out-of-bounds to all students, as is the village of Hogsmeade to all below third year.

Now, on a more serious note, it is with my deepest remorse that I have to inform you about the recent death of Professor Ashcroft. She was a wonderful teacher and friend and shall be strongly missed by all who knew her. We will be holding a memorial for her in a few weeks; we'll inform you on the date in the next few days. All defence against the dark arts lessons will be cancelled until further notice. I would also like to take this opportunity to tell you about the importance of trying to improve inter-house unity. It has recently come to my attention that a rift has come between certain houses. Given the current circumstances I think it wise to mend any tension between each other; we have to stay united in these dark times. Well, it's getting late and you all have to be up early for lessons in the morning. If the new head boy and girl would make their way up to my office before departing to bed please. As for the rest of you, bedtime! Chop chop!" Dumbledore finished.

"See you later!" Lily said hastily to her friends as she made for the door. As everyone got up and made their way to the doors simultaneously, Lily attempted to push her way through the crowd to make her way to Dumbledore's office. Once she had got through the mass of students she started walking towards his office. Her footsteps echoed loudly every time her feet made contact with the castle floor. As the halls were completely deserted her shoes made the loudest clip-clopping sound imaginable, the sound made her wince with every footstep.

As she rounded the corner to where the gargoyle guarded the office she couldn't help but feel a flicker of anxiety as to what the reason for this meeting was. It was the first day back, what could she have done? Maybe he'd heard about her outburst at the Prefect meeting and wanted to take her badge away. Her heart sank. Of course she'd be the one to lose her headship on the first day of being instated. He'd have to pluck the badge from her dead, withering hands before she even contemplated giving it away, she'd spent her whole life dreaming of this moment and it wouldn't be taken away because of an arrogant toerag like James Potter.

Her anxiety drew to downright panic as she grew closer to the gargoyle. Lily could see a figure standing outside, obviously waiting to go in. As she neared she realised it was Potter.

"What are you standing outside for, Potter?" she enquired, more venom behind the words than she'd intended.

"I'm stood here admiring the perfectly polished hallways, Evans. I enjoy spending my time wisely, staring avidly at statues, you know. What do you think? I don't know the password to his office so I can't get in."

"Oh, I don't know it either." An awkward silence followed this. Lily cleared her throat, trying and failing to diffuse the tension. She glanced at the motionless gargoyle before her and mentally kicked herself. She was so worried about what Dumbledore wanted her for that she didn't even think of something as simple as the password.

"So, nice weather we're having." Lily said stupidly. _Weather?_ _Have I completely lost my sanity?_

"It started raining about half an hour ago, Evans. Not exactly what I'd call 'nice', to be perfectly honest."

Lily's retort got lost in her throat as she heard rather than saw Dumbledore approaching them from somewhere to her left. As she turned her head, the man himself materialised from the shadows. He still wore those half-moon spectacles atop his crooked nose and he wore purple robes that make a soft swishing sound as he moved. His eyes still shone as bright as always, glowing that piercing blue. Dumbledore smiled at James and Lily upon seeing them and said, "Peppermint toad."

As soon as the words had left Dumbledore's mouth, the gargoyle jumped aside and revealed the entrance to his office. Dumbledore entered first, closely followed by Lily and James. His office never failed to amaze Lily. All the portraits covering the walls containing previous headmasters and mistresses were snoring gently from their frames. Silver trinkets were found in there too, emitting puffs of smoke and making whirring noises from where they stood. Dumbledore was now sat behind his desk, evidently waiting for them both to take a seat. James sat down in one of the seat, following suit, Lily sat in the chair adjacent.

Once she had sat down, the two wizards and one witch sat there in silence, the whirring from the silver instruments located at various points in the office seemed to go up an octave in the silence that had settled amongst them. Dumbledore sat comfortably with his hand clasped together in front of him on the desk, staring around the room. His eyes looked at Lily and James in turn, turning his piercing gaze fixed on them to give them the impression he was seeing right through them. It made Lily feel uncomfortable; she wanted nothing more than to break eye contact with the professor but she found it impossible.

"Well," Dumbledore started after about two minutes of awkward silence. "Congratulations each of you for obtaining the Head posts."

"Thank you," they both replied a little sheepishly. Lily's stomach was doing somersaults from not knowing what he might say to her. She really hoped she wasn't in trouble.

"Well, I'm sure you're both curious as to the reason for this meeting," Was it just lily or did Dumbledore pointedly look at her when he said that? She could feel a little colour rising to her cheeks at the implication.

"I'm sure you both noticed that the atmosphere among the students is a little more dejected than usual, which is understandable, taking into account our current climate." They both nodded. "I would like you both and maybe the rest of the prefects to try and keep spirits high among the students. Losing a professor can be quite traumatic, especially to younger students. Just try to keep the morale high and watch over the younger students in particular."

"So you just want us to act like nothing's happened?" said Lily, a little outraged that Dumbledore wanted them to carry on as if this is event was wholly insignificant.

"No, that would be disrespectful to her memory, I just want you to try and keep the students relatively happy. You will not be the only people responsible for this; I suggest you mention it at the next prefects meeting. However, as head boy and girl some of the students may look up to you both for reassurance more so than other prefects, so it would be in everyone's best interests if you could attempt to keep a level head, if you please."

"Okay, yeah we'll make sure we bring it up at the meeting." Lily answered with a smile. James nodded his agreement.

"Excellent." Dumbledore beamed at the two teenagers. "That's about it, unless there was anything you wished to discuss?"

They both said there wasn't and got up to leave the room. "Good night, Professor."

"Good night, Miss Evans. Mr Potter. Don't hesitate to come and see me if you have any queries." Dumbledore replied with a smile.

"Thank you, sir." They both replied as they left. James had the oddest grin on his face at the time.

When they had both left the office well behind and were on their way back to Gryffindor tower, James started laughing hysterically. This startled Lily so much her steps faltered slightly, looking at the boy beside her with confusion written across her face.

"What?" No reply, he just continued to laugh. "What's so funny?" she asked a little shrilly. Was he laughing at her? Oh, well isn't that a revelation.

When he could finally form a coherent sentence, he stuttered, "You! That's what's funny! You're so…"

"So what?" she was waiting for the inevitable insult, already a good retort was forming in her head. She had stopped walking completely now, still a little distance from the 7th.

"Formal! Yes, that's the word. 'Yes, sir' 'Thank you, professor'. It's hilarious, Red!" he was clutching his side now. Could it really have been that funny? Surely not...

"Well you're one to talk, Mr let Lily do all the talking while I sit there looking like a Cheshire cat!" she retorted. "Oh, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me 'red' again thanks." She added as an afterthought.

"Oh red, you're great. Absolutely priceless." He had regained quite a lot of his self-composure now and started walking again. Lily hastened to keep up with his long strides. Merlin, the guy had long legs!

"I don't see what was so funny though, I was just being polite." She said a little self-consciously.

"But it wasn't just polite; it was so…" he searched for the right word. "_Official_." He concluded. This seemed to make perfect sense to him; it just continued to confuse Lily so much she was contemplating whether or not it would be worth the punishment to turn his hair into a mass of purple dreadlocks. Ha, now _that_ would be funny.

"Well how would you like me to speak to our headmaster? I'm sure he'd be thrilled if I turned up and said, 'Aw, thanks mate,' in reply to offering us help if we wanted it. It would be a great show of gratitude. Gosh, you can be _so _dense sometimes." She smirked when she saw the mixture of outrage and amusement lining his face at being called dense.

"Me? Dense? James Potter is not dense. James Potter is highly intelligent, extremely good looking and a sensational quidditch player. That is _not _what you would call dense, Red. In fact, I'm the complete opposite of dense, I'm _un_dense." He said easily, not even bothering to try and deny the amount of arrogance he just fit in one sentence. Lily thought the invented word was hilarious as well. How was he scoring so high in class when his English was atrocious?

"Please don't ever refer to yourself in the third person again. Ever. It's cringy. Also, I'd like to point out that the amount of arrogance you managed to jam into one meagre sentence is extraordinary even by your standards. In fact, I admit I'm a little surprised at how inflated your head still is. Oh, and 'undense' is not a word, Mr Intelligent."

"Oh now, I wouldn't say it's _that _big. It could be smaller but where's the fun in that?" he said whilst throwing her a smirk. They had resumed walking again, but at a much slower pace than before.

"Well, I'll admit you're not as insufferable as you were in fifth year."

James laughed a little at that and said, "I was an arrogant sod then, I'll admit."

_If this is how every conversation we're going to have this year ends how will we get anything done? _Lily thought. _We're going to have to be civil with each other. God forbid._

"Right, Potter, I'm going to propose something to you. _No, _not propose _to _you." She added hastily added, catching his confused expression. "I don't want to have to work with you every day knowing that almost every conversation we ever have will end up as a shouting match or just throwing petty insults back and forth. I want to be able to speak comfortably with you knowing that we can be mature about any previous hostility we have ever felt towards one another, so we can do our jobs at the heads fairly admirably. So, I propose we start over." She stopped and turned so she could clearly see James' profile. "Hi, I'm Lily Evans." She concluded whilst holding out her hand.

He suspiciously looked down at her outstretched hand, after a moment's hesitation he shook Lily's hand with surprising vigour and said very politely, "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Evans. I am James Potter."

"Hello, James Potter." She said with a smile, returning his mocking tone with her own. They had nearly reached the Gryffindor common room now and could just make out the portrait of the Fat Lady hanging in its usual glory on the wall.

"Wormwood," said Lily, giving the common room password. The portrait swung open upon hearing the password and allowed them entrance.

It was nearly deserted, apart from the odd fourth or fifth year claiming the comfy chairs whilst the older kids (usually the marauders) weren't there to kick them off. Lily made her way across to the stairs leading up to the girl dormitories. She had put her foot on the first step when James voice stopped her, speaking up from across the now empty common room.

"Evans," he started, all traces of amusement wiped completely from his features, "were you serious about the whole starting again thing?"

Lily, quite surprised by the sudden change of character, felt a little bad for the guy. She'd spent the past 6 years constantly at logger-heads with him and all of a sudden she'd had a change of heart and wanted to forget it, I'm sure anyone would be a little confused.

So she put on her warmest smile and said, "Yes, I don't want to work with someone that I can do nothing but shout at constantly. I'm sure Dumbledore wouldn't want that of the Head's either, but yes, I mean it."

A genuine smile appeared on James' face. "Oh okay then, that's… good, I suppose. Good night, Evans." He said, a little uncertainly whilst turning around.

That didn't quite sound right to Lily. If they were going to make an effort at being civil then they should at least use the right names.

"Lily." Lily told him.

"What?" He said, clearly bewildered why Lily was telling him her name.

"Call me Lily." Lily finished, the ends of her mouth twitching a little at the disbelief on his face.

"Oh, erm… okay. Good night, Lily." He finally got out. Her name sounded very odd coming from James Potter's lips, not a bad odd but all the same, very odd.

"Good night, James." Lily said whilst turning back towards the stairs and starting up them. She couldn't help but smile a little at how uncomfortable he was by the whole affair.

She heard James chuckle to himself and retreat towards his own dorm. When she no longer heard his footfalls she again started up the stairs to the girl's dorms. She was exhausted, the thought of sleep being a very short time away made her very content indeed. No doubt she was losing her mind but hey-ho, life goes on. She'd probably regret it all in the morning but oh well, she's climb that bridge when she came to it.

It'd been an odd sort of day.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6;

How long do you think their civility towards one another lasted?

A week? Two? Three if they were lucky?

Pfft, such optimists. Try about a day…

Lily Evans rose from unconsciousness at about 7am on Friday 2nd September 1977. Feeling fairly well rested, sans the inevitable nightmares, she got up before her friends had woken to use the bathroom first. She was looking forward to the day ahead, even more so because the week-end was only a day away.

Half an hour later, the showered and dressed redhead was ready for her last first day of the year. No doubt they would they starting the more challenging end of the NEWT spectrum. Lily inwardly groaned, thinking about all the homework they were bound to receive by the time the day ended. _Take me back to first year, I beg you! _She thought.

By the time she was ready to go down to breakfast her roommates were only just awakening from their slumber. Other than Lily, Marlene and Mary in the seventh year girl's dormitories there were two other girls that they shared their room with – Dorcas Meadows and Alice Prewett. Lily got on very well with both of the girls; however Marlene wasn't keen on Dorcas so the friendship in the dorm was a little strained at times.

Alice Prewett was a kind of reserved girl, usually keeping herself to herself. She had short mousey brown hair and a rounded face and was undoubtedly one of the nicest people Lily had ever met, being one of those selfless characters you couldn't help but find impossible to dislike. She was currently dating Frank Longbottom (also a seventh year Gryffindor) and they had been together since fifth year. It sounded horribly clichéd even to Lily, but she felt that Frank and Alice were one of those couples that were meant for one another. Lily envied her a little for this reason. Her best friend was Dorcas, one of the reasons Alice and Marlene had never really struck up a friendship.

Speaking of Dorcas, she was definitely an odd sort of character. She had short, dark brown hair, a little similar to Alice's in length but completely different in colour due to the bright colours usually found in the brown. She was thin and lanky in appearance, with blue eyes and a mischievous smile. She sounds pretty normal, however that wasn't the case. The girl gave off a distinct aura of craziness without so much as trying. She also chose to wear very eccentric attire on even the dullest of days. Most people weren't fond of her because she was different (Marlene included) but Lily thought she was nice enough, despite the absurdity in some of her behaviour.

All the girls were up by now, except Marlene, she refused to get up until she _had_ to. After a while, her laziness was getting beyond a joke. So Lily, being the bestest friend in the entire universe, plucked up her pillow from where it lay at the head of her bed and, using all the force she can muster, slammed it straight on Marlene's head.

Well that showed her.

All that could be heard from Marlene was a groan. "Evans, you are _so _in for it."

"Serves you right, you should make an effort on the first day of school at least."

"Oh, don't be so prissy."

"_Prissy_? Great insult that, Mar."

"Shut up, I'm tired. I'll think of something better when I'm sure I'm not still asleep. Theoretically, it should officially be illegal to have to get up before at least 10am," she said blearily, whilst sitting up.

"Sure." Lily responded, not really listening.

"I'm serious; I'll go to Dumbledore about it." She crossed her arms over her chest, in an attempt to show them just how abundantly serious she was, a fact that seemed funny next to her bed hair and half closed eyes.

"You do that, McKinnon. You'd be laughed out of his office."

"Laugh now, but when we're no longer subjected to looking like banshee's every morning you'll have me to thank for it." That said, the brunette spun towards to general direction of the bathroom, a rather smug expression gracing her features.

After that, all Marlene would talk about was illegalizing early mornings. Lily and Mary, being the supportive friends, listened to her rants for about 2 minutes then tuned her out completely. Great friends, right?

At about 8am, all the seventh year girls were ready for breakfast – Marlene still jabbering on about the benefits of having decent amounts of sleep or something completely irrelevant. They descended the stairs leading to the common room and made their way to the portrait hole. In the common room were the usual suspects, only the early risers were present. A few over-enthusiastic first years could be found almost sprinting to the great hall in anticipation for their first official day of magic. Lily smiled as she saw a first year by the name of Verity Corner (she had made sure she remembered all the new Gryffindors names) nearly fall over her own feet in a mad dash for the portrait hole. She remembered the euphoria she had felt on her first day, the realization that magic existed, and not some weird dream that sprung from the depths of her overactive, 11 year old imagination.

As Lily and her fellow Gryffindor's made their way to the great hall, Lily contemplated how the wizarding world had changed since she was thrown into its midst. When she had first discovered the existence of magic she had been an ignorant 9 year old who only wished to be able to jump off high swings and live to tell the tale, presumably with all limbs still intact. When Snape had given Lily the answers to her new found abilities she had immediately fallen in love with the wizarding world and everything it entailed. All the stories Snape would tell her about wands and spells and potions and the magical school which taught it all had Lily on the edge of her seat. When she finally went to Hogwarts it was unbelievable. It was even greater than any of Lily's wildest dreams. Thinking back on it, there was the tiniest trace of hostility towards her even that early on, simply because of her heritage. Through the years it gradually increased as Voldemort got stronger. It started out as the odd taunt from an older Slytherin or two being whispered in her direction in the halls, which, in the next few years, lead to almost every Slytherin joining in. Arguments started to break out on a regular basis, the odd duel occurred but with no fatal injuries. The feuds grew, the other three houses usually taking one side, Slytherin on the other. Then when Lily was in fifth year the enmity reached some sort of climax, you couldn't go a day without some student being put in the hospital wing from a duel, whether you were part of it or just an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire. Some used harmless spells, others not so harmless. New spells were introduced, some were invented, and some already existed. Lily suspected Snape was behind some of the more intense spells that were at large, he certainly had the brains, passion and drive to accomplish it. Then, after the fight following OWLs Lily finally saw that her position in the wizarding world was rapidly deteriorating. Even her best friend had turned his back on her. In sixth year the antagonism decreased a little, well at least you could walk the corridors without having to duck around corners to avoid stray spells. Lily still had insults flung at her from some Slytherins on a regular basis but it was not as bad as before.

Lily was snapped out of her thoughts by the sight of the great hall up ahead. She was famished, which was fairly unusual for her, she also had a nagging feeling in the depths of her brain. She was forgetting something that the regular Lily Evans would not have overlooked. _Oh well, _she thought, _mustn't have been of the upmost importance if I forgot the buggar. _With this new approach to her own ignorance acknowledged and ignored, Lily strolled into the Great Hall in a very un-Lily like fashion.

_I am the biggest idiot in the entire history of idiotic idiots._

The thing she had momentarily forgotten was staring her in the face as soon as she looked at the Staff table in the Great Hall – Professor Ashcroft. _You selfish, heartless, moronic bitch. _Her momentary lifted spirits soon plummeted to a new low; the events of the previous night came flooding back to her in a tsunami of recollections all warped together. The sudden assault of memories made her trip over her own feet on the way to her usual seat at the Gryffindor table – right onto a student.

_I'm not only an idiot, but an idiot with two left feet._

"Damn it! Sorry!" she exclaimed, flailing a little to regain her footing to cease crushing the unfortunate human beneath her.

"Merlin! Evans? Can you – AHH – watch wear you're flinging your limbs? I can't seem to feel mine right now!"

Sirius Black. _Great, I'll never hear the end of this one. Can this day get any worse?_

After another little scuffle, involving many stray limbs connecting with parts of the anatomy not commonly seen together in any respectable way, Lily finally extricated herself from very amused looking Sirius and discreetly trying to cover the sudden rush of blood flowing through her usually pale cheeks. Seemingly conscious that she looked like she'd just crashed into the whomping willow, she desperately tried to straighten her once immaculate hair and uniform. Seeing how uncomfortable she looked, Sirius' grin grew wider still.

"If you wanted to sit on my lap, Evans, you need only ask," he drawled, throwing a flirtatious wink at her.

Lily, who was just about to apologise for crushing him, scowled at the dark haired seventh year, rolling her eyes when he winked again. "Your jocularity truly amazes me, Black."

"I'm not the one attacking innocent people only trying to indulge in their breakfast."

Her scowl deepened at the sound of her accident being portrayed that way, she couldn't help she was extraordinarily clumsy when distracted. "Sorry, I'll try not to throw myself at you for at least another 5 minutes. If I can stay away that long," she said icily.

"See, my charm is too much even for the great Lily Evans." He said, outwardly smug at the prospect of Lily Evans being putty in his hands. Like that would happen. He turned back around so he was facing the table, his back to Lily. "Prongs, did you hear that? Red is smitten for ol' Padfoot."

"Absolutely besotted," she confirmed with a nod of her head. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take my highly infatuated self over there so I can eat without accidentally drooling at the side of you," with that said she turned away from the eyes of the Marauders and moved further down the Gryffindor table. She spotted her friends and slid into a seat next to Mary.

"- can't be serious, Marlene. Katie Parker and Tobias Fell have spilt up? Since when?! Seriously, how do you find this stuff out?" asked a slightly awe-struck Jeremy Shipton.

"I have my sources, you know that, Jer," replied Marlene, always the flirt. It was common knowledge around Hogwarts that Jeremy Shipton had liked Marlene Mckinnon since fourth year and still remains blissfully ignorant to the poor sixth years feelings. For someone so great with delving out gossip, she sure was missing something blatantly obvious this time. Jeremy was a blonde haired, brown eyed sixth year Gryffindor and a beater on the house team. He was slightly broad from all the quidditch with a soft face and muscular arms. The seventh years had befriended him when they were in fourth and him in third. Marlene and him had been friends the longest, both being on the Gryffindor quidditch team, so she introduced him to Lily and Mary. Bam, they're all friends.

Lily, not in the mood to listen to the conversation, picked up a couple pieces of toast and poured herself some orange juice. Her eyes wandered around the Great Hall as she absently ate her breakfast. She scanned the faces of her fellow students, something she always did when she was in a bad mood. They appeared to be fairly content, not counting the Slytherins who looked like they had a wand stuck up their arses. There was a definite difference in the atmosphere than on most first days of school, no doubt the death of their DADA teacher was still a cause for tension throughout the school. Lily still couldn't believe she'd forgotten all about it, then again she had forgotten nearly everything this morning.

Lily had been told that her schedule for this year is the same as the one she received last year, therefore she has double Herbology, a free period and Charms before lunch. After lunch she had double Potions. She was not looking forward to this day at all. Herbology was boring, she sat with Remus, Peter, Marlene and Dorcas and although she was fairly good at the topic she didn't enjoy it that much. No doubt she'd need the free period after Herbology for her inevitable homework in her first two lessons. She adored Charms, it was her best subject. She sat with Mary and Dorcas in that class, but three quarters of the Marauders were also there (Peter hadn't got an E in his OWL so couldn't continue in the subject) and she really wasn't in the mood for them today, not after accidentally molesting one of them this morning. Lunch would go very quick and then she'd be thrust in the torture more commonly known as Potions. Oh yes, she loved Potions, Professor Slughorn adored her but Snape was in that class. Even though she and Snape shared other classes, Potions seemed to be the only one where their gazes crossed. It might have been the memories in that class, how they would be paired together all the time and were virtually unbeatable when they joined forces. They'd shared their love of Potions and bonded even more over it and it was just a painful reminder of what she had lost when she saw him across the room, sat with the greasy Slytherins instead of with her.

Lily was shaken out of her thoughts by the arrival of the post. Owls of all breeds and colours flew through the hall, dropping their burdens on their respective owners and flying away. Lily didn't see her owl, Artemis, among the flock of birds so she went back to her breakfast. That's why she was startled when an unfamiliar brown tawny owl landed in front of her with a letter in its beak, looking at her expectantly. She hesitantly took the letter from the birds clutches, gave it a nibble of her toast and opened said letter. It was definitely to her, it said her name on the front in unfamiliar handwriting, very messy, but not definable in any way of who had written it. She opened the letter, took one look at it and left the Great Hall, mumbling to her friends that she left something in the dorm and she'd see them later.

As she nearly ran out of the Great Hall she saw some curious glances being thrown her way, probably wondering why the Head Girl was fleeing breakfast on their first day back._ Oh well, they can think all they want, nosy twats_, she thought vehemently.

Lily rounded the corner and sprinted to the nearest tapestry she could find - the perfect hiding place at that moment. Her hands had started shaking sometime since she left her breakfast; she had to calm down before class started. She opened the letter again with fumbling fingers, using caution for some odd reason that she could not fathom at the time, like a toad would suddenly appear in the depths of the parchment and jump on her. She hated toads. Ugly, slimy amphibians. She took a deep breath and read the letter again.

_Evans,_

_You're nothing but a filthy Mudblood. You are a disgrace to wizard kind, you don't deserve to be Head Girl; it should have gone to a real witch, not one with tainted blood. I suggest you lie low for a while, unless you want to end up the same way as Ashcroft. You have been warned, we don't give second chances.  
_

_Hugs and kisses, my dearest Mudblood,_

_Anonymous_

_P.S. Don't bother running to any of the teachers about this, they can only protect you for so long._

It was written in red ink, making it hold a rather sharp resemblance to blood, the thought made her shiver. It also had mud stains lining the sides of the parchment, making it smell like fertiliser. Who'd send her something like this? She hadn't made that many enemies in her time at Hogwarts, she didn't make a habit of angering people – besides Potter and Black of course. She re-read the note, wondering if it gave any obvious clues between the lines. The bit about Professor Ashcroft freaked her out. So she'd died at the hands of the dark lord, because honestly who else would do this? Killed because she didn't have wizard parents, just like Lily, wasn't worthy of obtaining a position of authority at Hogwarts, just like Lily. The thought made her tremble, her breath hitched and tears pricked her eyes. She couldn't let these people see they'd affected her, she had to get out all her emotions when she was alone and remain unperturbed when she had company. Easier said than done.

She folded the letter carefully, like it was a grenade that could explode any second and placed it in the folds of her robes. She'd decided without recalling when exactly that she wouldn't tell anyone about this letter, not the teachers, not her friends, not Dumbledore, no one. She didn't want to put anyone else in danger. Now that the letter was out of sight her nerves diminished slightly. She closed her eyes and took deep breaths, trying to slow her breathing.

By the time she had calmed down enough to go to class the bell rang, meaning she was late for said class. Her eyes flew open, she ran to the greenhouses, knocking down a few stragglers who were just exiting the Great Hall in her haste to get to class. While she ran she made herself look a little more presentable. She hoped her Professor didn't mind too much about her tardiness, she was usually very punctual.

Today _really_ wasn't her day.

She arrived at Herbology only about 4 minutes late, walked in, mumbled a quick 'Sorry I'm late, Professor' and took her seat next to Marlene. She took out her Herbology text book, a fresh piece of parchment, a quill and an ink pot and began taking notes.

Eventually she stopped listening to the Herbology teacher and her mind wandered to the letter she could almost feel burning a hole in her pocket. It wasn't fair that a large proportion of the wizarding world seemed to be conspiring against her today. How exactly was she supposed to 'lie low' when she was bloody Head Girl anyway? She wasn't going to give up her position, not when she'd been dreaming about this since she was a first year. She couldn't shy away from her responsibilities when she'd only just been handed them! But she knew she had to do something, these were dangerous people, who knew what they –

"Miss Evans?" Professor Beery asked, sounding slightly irritated.

"Erm, yes, Porfessor?" She replied, stuttering a little, trying to get her bearings.

"Did you hear the question?" Everyone in the NEWT Herbology lesson was staring at her in shock, Lily Evans was not one to openly not pay attention in class.

"Erm, yes?" she said uncertainly. She prayed that Marlene or Remus knew the answer to the supposed question and would have her sorry arse from further humiliation.

"Well?" He prompted, "What's the answer?"

Remus, like the god he was, discreetly leaned towards Lily and whispered, "Mandrake roots."

"Mandrake roots," she said to Professor Beery.

He simply nodded and turned to retrieve something from his desk.

She leaned in towards Remus and whispered, "Thank you."

"No problem," he smiled. "Are you alright?" he asked, concern blatant on his face.

She hated lying to Remus, after everything they'd shared over the years she couldn't stand lying to the young werewolf. "Yeah, I'm fine," she whispered back, trying to smile a little but failing terribly.

He knew that she was lying, he could tell by her fake smile, but he must've thought better than to pursue it. Therefore he pursed his lips and just said 'Okay' before going back to his own notes. Marlene threw her worried glances throughout the duration of the double period but didn't question her. She made sure to at least try to pay attention throughout the rest of the lesson, making sure she noted the homework as well.

At the end of Herbology she made her way to Gryffindor tower with Marlene and Dorcas, Remus and Peter had Muggle Studies. She didn't even attempt to engage in conversation on the way there, just left the others to it. Their free period flew by in a blur of Lily pretending to do Herbology homework to avoid conversation, just trying to clear her thoughts. She knew she couldn't ignore her friends all day, they'd notice something was wrong but she was too freaked to care at the time.

And then she was in Charms, and she calmed down a little, relaxing for the first time since breakfast. Finding her seat next to Mary and getting out everything she needed the worries clouding her vision ebbed slightly. Then she sat patiently, waiting for the class to start (she'd been a little early in her eagerness to get to Charms) and sure enough Flitwick entered not long after. First he told them how important the year was in preparation for their NEWTs and blah blah blah. Pulling out a scroll of parchment he began the lecture for today's lesson on non-verbal water charms. She dutifully made notes when appropriate, answered a few questions, spoke a little to Mary. Perfectly normal, not like she'd received a death threat this morning at all.

She was through half a parchment of notes when she saw a ball of scrunched up parchment land on the desk next to her. As discreetly as she could, she opened the note and read it. It said:

_Evans, _

_Are we patrolling tonight?_

_Potter_

She flipped the parchment onto the blank side, poised her quill over it and scribbled a reply to the Head Boy.

_Potter,_

_No, the teachers are patrolling tonight. We don't have to patrol until Sunday._

_Evans_

Then, turning in her chair when Flitwick's back was turned away from her, she threw the note back two rows, where Potter was situated between Black and Remus. She went back to her notes, a little peeved that she'd been interrupted.

When the lesson ended (plus a roll of parchment on the pros and cons of water charms and non-verbal spells in general) Lily was one of the last to leave. Heading out of the door with Mary and Alice, they made their way towards the Great Hall for lunch. Lily was being a bit more social now, listening to her friends conversation and taking part in the bits that she could, even making them laugh a few times.

Their lunch hour passed quickly and the next thing Lily knew was she was waiting outside the Potions classroom with all the other NEWT students. This was probably one of the largest NEWT classes, there were about 14 students in total. Lily was in a much better mood than before dinner, her friends had cheered her up considerably, reminiscing about the time in fourth year when they'd snuck into Filch's office and stuck all the cupboard doors shut. It had taken him weeks to work up the courage to ask one of the teachers to perform the counter spell.

Lily was thinking about that when Professor Slughorn, possibly her favourite teacher at Hogwarts, appeared in the doorway of his classroom, his round belly showing through his robes.

"Welcome!" He beamed at the class, always the enthusiast. "Well don't stand out here like you've been petrified, come in!"

Needing no further prompt, the class filed into the Potions classroom, taking their respective seats and getting their copies of Advanced Potion Making out, ready for the lesson to start. The lesson started much the same as the others had, a speech about the importance of NEWTS and all that then on to the lesson.

"Today, we're going to go over a potion we did last year," said Slughorn. "I'm sure you remember the Amortentia potion from last year," his eyes sparkled when he said it. "I'll pair you up and you can get started. Turn to page 136 in your Potions books, please."

He paused for dramatic effect, honestly he was so theatrical. "Right, I'll pair you up."

"Peter with Marlene. Mulciber with Avery. Remus with Dorcas…"

Lily was paired with Potter of all people. Mary was with Sirius though so she held more sympathy for her than herself. James moved to join Lily on her desk, bringing his things, his face not giving anything away about his feelings towards this certain pairing. Lily opened her book to the right page and left to gather the ingredients without a word to Potter.

After they had all the ingredients on their work surface they got to work, mostly working in silence. Lily was just adding Frozen Ashwinder eggs when James interrupted their silence.

"So, Evans, how's the potion coming along?" he asked, considering Lily was doing most of the work.

Lily was in a bad mood again, first she was paired with Potter (they may have agreed to be civil but everyone knew it wouldn't last) and Snape kept looking at her when he thought she wasn't looking. Every time she saw that greasy head turn away from her when she looked up her anger rose, she liked the silence, it was calming. Then Potter had to go and break it.

"Fine," she said curtly. She was not in the mood for conversation today.

"Not very talkative today, Red?"

"Not particularly no," sighing in agitation.

"That not a very positive attitude, you know. Smile, it does wonders for the facial muscles," he grinned, as if to further prove this point. Lily thought he looked like a Flobberworm.

"What a lovely thing to say, giving me pointers on how to improve my face, nice."

"I didn't say face, I said facial muscles. There is a significant difference between the two, Evans."

"Thanks for the Biology lesson but can we please get back to the potion."

He swept his hands out dramatically. "Be my guest."

Her temper was rising again. "Well you weren't doing anything anyway!"

"Why disturb you? You were doing a wonderful job! Don't want to stench the flow."

"Ha, that's what you call it, it's just laziness! Sitting back and letting me do all the work!"

"Calm down, Evans! What's got your wand in a knot all of a sudden?"

"You! You and your I'm-James-Potter-so-I-don't-need-to-do-the-same-as -you-mere-mortals attitude! You and your laziness, you taking advantage of my skills in potions!" She was just shouting now, Potter wasn't even annoying her that much, she was just having a really shit day.

He stared at her, shocked, then his face morphed into one of anger, and a lot of it. "That's hardly fair! Just because I didn't contribute much to the potion doesn't give you the audacity to shout at me like that! What happened to being civil?"

"It threw itself in a fire, burnt to ashes, drowned said ashes and threw them off a very tall cliff!"

"And why is that? What hve I even done to offend the great Lily Evans this time?" he asked, half angry, half exasperated.

She couldn't answer him, what had he done? She couldn't even remember, and that only made her anger soar. And then something inside Lily snapped. "You know what, fuck everything. I have had enough today, I don't care anymore. You want to do the potion, do the bloody potion, go ahead. I don't give a flying shit right now, I give up!" and now she was shouting. She started gathering her things, packing everything in her school bag, swinging it over her shoulder. She then noticed the silence that had preceded her outburst, every single person in that room was looking at her with shocked expressions, not quite believing what they were hearing. _Fuck them too, the bastards._

And that's when she left. She left a room full of her class mates calling her name, trying to get her to come back. She left her favourite teacher staring after her, completely gobsmacked at her odd behaviour. And the worst part was she didn't care. Not one bit. That's why she, Lily Evans, walked to Gryffindor tower, alone, when she should have been in lessons and did she look back? Not once.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7;

Lily was aware of everything around her, every single little fibre of all the small, no matter how insignificant they may be, objects within her perpetual vision. Every blade of grass underneath her fingertips, every leaf strewn across the ground, every rustle of the trees nearby, every slight difference in temperature or climate, however minute it was, all these things were acknowledged in the brain of 17 year old Lily Evans.

She was also painstakingly aware of the lack of heat in her face, the absence of colour across her cheeks, like a blank canvas totally bleached of colour. She was conscious of the tear tracks running down her cheek bones, tears still falling from her eyes, the slight tremble in her hands, the raised hair on the back of her neck, the slight quiver in her upper lip in a futile attempt to stop the almost constant flow of tears.

She was painfully aware of the bodies that surrounded her, all the people she'd ever cared about dead because she'd disappointed the mysterious note sender. Their bodies lay around her, like lifeless dolls, their faces void of emotion. Her stomach clenched unpleasantly, making her feel nauseous, fresh tears leaking out of her eyes. She looked up into the eyes of the person above her, standing dominant in front of her, a slim piece of wood aimed at her head. No matter how clichéd it sounded her life flashed before her eyes, awaiting the death blow from her executor.

She saw herself as a small 4 year old, crying when she fell off the slide and going to her father for comfort. A little older, maybe 6, when Petunia and her were the best of friends, playfully fighting over who had the best doll. A 7 year old, sitting in her grandfather's lap while he told her stories, making a point of reacting in the right way at the appropriate times to please him. An innocent 9 year old, the euphoria and nerves she felt when she first found out about magic from Severus. Her first day at Hogwarts, how she could have thrown up but was too excited to do so. How she'd progressed through the years there, flourishing into a very capable witch. And all the things in between, all the times she'd gone home at the holidays feeling homesick, how happy she was when she saw her family again. She only remembered the good parts of her life, not wanting to feel depressed if she did die there.

She refocused on the wand in her face, looking up into the face behind it. A black hood covered their face, shielding their features from Lily's prying eyes. There was a flash and she was writhing in pain again. Every fibre and cell and nerve inside her body was on fire, the pain was unendurable. Even though she'd sworn to herself she wouldn't give them the satisfaction of hearing her scream because of them she couldn't help it. She was surrounded by pain, not just the pain of the Cruciatus curse but also the guilt so sharp it stabbed at her like knives, driving more torture into her because she hadn't given in to the note givers demands.

Then as quickly as the pain appeared it vanished, she found herself face down on the grass, taking deep breaths, her throat raw because of her relentless screaming. She couldn't catch her breath, every inhale and exhale causing a sharp discomfort in her throat.

"We did warn you, Mudblood. But no, you had to ignore our rather polite message. You should have done as you were told; it doesn't make you brave, you stupid Gryffindor's never knew the difference between bravery and plain idiocy. Well before I kill you I want you to know that all these people around us," indicating all the bodies of all of Lily's friends and family around them, "are dead not because of me, but because of you.

"Look around, look at them all, like puppets with their strings cut left to fall 50 feet. They wouldn't be here if you'd just done as you were told, that's all we asked of you. This could have been prevented you know, but it's too late. Good bye, Mudblood," he said, she'd finally gathered that her killer was male. As she thought this he lowered his hood, revealing the snake-like eyes and gaunt face of Lord Voldemort. She hadn't cared who it was before because she'd been so preoccupied with the dead bodies of her friends. If she was being honest with herself she already knew who it was, who else would kill so many people just to show one girl what he was made of and do it so guiltlessly?

His wand was still in her face, making her dizzy, anticipating the quick end. She knew she was succumbing to her own cowardice, wanting death as an easy escape but she needed just that, a quick escape from her now miserable life. So she just sat there, welcoming the blow that would put her out of her misery once and for all.

His mouth opened, screamed the words that would snuff out her life, a blinding green light and then –

Lily Evans woke up with a start, her hair plastered to her face, a cold sweat coating her skin. Tear tracks descended down her cheek bones, her throat raw from probably screaming in her sleep. She had to take in gulps of air to try and calm herself down.

She looked around her and saw only red, for a second she was afraid she'd lost her mind but then remembered how she'd got there. After her rather violent outburst in Potions her anger had remained until she'd reached her dorm. Then, blissfully finding it empty, she had lay down on her bed and finally allowed the tears that had threatened to reveal themselves ever since she left the dungeons to fall. She'd cried until she'd fallen asleep, making a point of putting a Muffliato around her bunk as well as sealing her curtains shut so no one disturbed her.

After she'd calmed down enough not to scare off all organisms within a 5 mile radius she tried to sort her appearance out before she took the plunge for her behaviour earlier. She knew she had to face the music sooner or later and she always had been a sooner kind of person. She groaned, trying to come up with some sort of conceivable excuse for her startling performance. She couldn't tell anyone the real reason, not if she didn't want everyone she loved to die! She knew she was being over-dramatic, taking hyperboles to the extreme, but that dream had really freaked her out.

Steeling herself she made sure she looked a little less like a banshee and removed the charms around her bunk. Opening the curtains by the tiniest fragment, she poked her head out to see if the coast was clear. It was. Therefore she ran to the bathroom and hopped into the shower, needing the hot water to wash away all of the things she needed to temporarily forget. And it did just that. While she let the hot water run down her body she closed her eyes and let the moisture dull her senses, making her numb to all the problems that threatened to break her temporary bravado.

Eventually she had to escape her momentary bliss because she'd used all the hot water. _Damn it_ she thought. So she grabbed a towel and got into her pyjamas, knowing she couldn't eat anything tonight, couldn't face anyone after the way she'd acted. Shame hit her like a tsunami. Then she thought of the hurt on Potters face and a surge of guilt raced through her. It'd been her idea to be civil and she hadn't even lasted a day. How could she last the rest of the year? Granted, she had had a very bad day, a catastrophic day of manic proportions but that didn't give her the right to go ape at everyone, it wasn't their fault.

After she was dressed she poured herself into her homework. She let her mind succumb to her Charms work, knowing that'd be a great distraction for her. All she let her mind focus on was the quill in her hand, the action of letting her slender fingers carry her quill across the parchment effortlessly, unleashing her thoughts onto the paper. The ease in which she got lost in her work was scary, it was almost too simple, like her mind agreed that she had too many problems for her head to deal with, she needed a serious break from it all. So that's why she was in her dorm, alone except for the company of numerous cups of coffee to keep her awake and her homework from the disastrous first day of school.

When she first heard sounds of possible interruption from her room mates she hastily gathered all her strewn possessions and practically flew onto her bed, slamming the curtains shut with surprising vigour. She really couldn't deal with a confrontation and the probing eyes of her room mates, she didn't know what she'd tell them therefore she took the cowardly option and legged it. Such Gryffindor chivalry.

Her friends seemed to know from the closed curtains that she didn't want to be disturbed so they didn't bother her and it wasn't long before she heard light snores and equal breathing, indicating their slumber. She waited until she was positive that they were asleep and finally got up, planning to go to the kitchens for a snack, regretting missing dinner, she was bloody starving.

She crept as silently as she could down the steps and into the seemingly empty common room. She tiptoed towards the portrait, hoping to God and Merlin and Jesus and Allah and anyone that might be listening to her silent prayers that she remained alone. They must have all been at a tea party at the time.

"Evans?" A painfully familiar voice said behind her in surprise.

She froze, centimetres from the portrait hole. When she didn't turn around the voice asked again, a little louder this time, "Evans? What are you doing?"

She couldn't put it off any longer; she reluctantly turned and saw the dark eyes and dark eyes staring at her in curiosity. She tried to think of a way out; really not wanting to have this conversation right now. She could make a run for the portrait hole, but he'd follow her. She could race towards the girl's dormitories, but he'd intercept her. So she was stuck. _Great._

"Y'know it is awfully rude to ignore someone for this long, especially when they're in your direct line of vision," he chided her. She really wasn't in the mood for his snark, she just wanted food.

"Go away, Black, I don't need a lecture from you okay," she said in response, half turning away from him, planning on just sticking to her original plan.

She felt a hand on her arm, restraining her. "Let go of me," she half growled, half pleaded. She still didn't turn around again, just froze, knowing he was stronger than her.

"Where were you planning on going anyway?" he asked, a little amused now, smirking slightly.

"That's none of your business," she said haughtily.

"See, Evans, I think it is. The Marauders and I know this castle better than Dumbledore, we know how dangerous it can be at night. And I don't think I'd be fulfilling my duties as a Gryffindor if I let a girl, no matter how magically capable, wander alone in its walls. Who knows what could happen to you?" he mock gasped.

"I can take care of myself, thank you very much," she said, jerking her arm from his grip.

"See, I have to agree with you, having seen you throw about a killer Jelly Legs Jinx, mostly at Prongs or myself admittedly, however it just would be morally wrong if I left you unprotected."

She blew out an exasperated breath. "No matter what I say you're going to follow me, aren't you."

"And you say you know nothing about me, Red," he grinned at her, knowing he'd won and that she knew it too, the arrogant pig.

She just rolled her eyes and stepped through the portrait hole, without Sirius restraining her this time. She heard his footsteps behind her, catching up with her quick strides easily.

When he was beside her he asked, "So where are you going tonight? What kind of adventure were you planning?"

"Oh, you know, beat up a troll; throw down with giant, break into the trophy room. I'm full of mad ideas," she said, sarcasm lining her tone. She continued to walk at a fast pace, her stomach growling softly as she got closer to the kitchens.

"I find it hilarious that I've done all those things and you brush the thoughts aside so flippantly," using mock hurt, holding his heart dramatically as if she'd wounded him.

She snorted. She didn't doubt for a second when he said he'd done everything you could do in the castle. "I'm going to the kitchens if you must know. I didn't have anything at dinner."

"Great, I could do with a midnight snack," he said, suddenly looking like an over-excited 5 year old over a freshly baked tray of cookies. _Damn it, now I want cookies._

"That's exactly what I thought," she smirked crookedly, one side of her mouth pulling up slighty.

They continued in companionable silence for a moment or two, Lily knew Sirius would be the one to break the silence. He could never stay quiet for very long. He proved her right almost seconds after she thought it.

"Slughorn told Moony to tell you about the Potions homework," he paused, smirking when he knew she looked uncomfortable. "Just sum up the amortentia potion, uses and all that, doesn't need to be particularly long but knowing you you'll write a novel."

"Thanks," she mumbled, looking down in embarrassment, hoping he'd change the subject soon.

He went on without preamble. "And since I'm assuming you haven't seen Mr Lupin I took it upon myself to divulge this piece of information to you. You're welcome," he finished, grinning manically down at her.

"Right okay," she clicked about the earlier quip he'd given her. "And are you trying to say something about me there, Black?"

"Me?" he asked in mock indignation. "Why, I'd never say anything critical about you, Lily Evans. I am deeply offended by your insinuations," he said, pouting.

"I'm sure you'll survive. I'm not the one throwing around disguised insults."

"See, again with the accusations."

"They are very adequate accusations, though."

"Your minimal faith in me truly wounds me, Red."

"What have I told you about not calling me 'Red'?"

"That I am very welcome to address you in that way anytime I please? That you love it? That you got yourself a mug with it engraved on the side?"

"None of those sound familiar to me I'm afraid."

"I remember, in perfect clarity, you saying _at least_ one of them."

"I'm sorry to tell you that you're mistaken."

"I'm sorry to tell you that you're delusional."

"Har-har."

"See? Can't even laugh properly. Don't worry, Red, we won't abandon you, we'll get you the help you need!"

Her retort died in her throat as they rounded the corner to where the kitchens were found. She remembered when Marlene, Mary and she had found it in their 4th year. They had vaguely been told the location of the entrance, they had to actually find it themselves. Not really believing it, they were bored one afternoon in a holiday and looked there on a whim. They'd found it by accident, Marlene, never very straight footed, had tripped and had grazed her hand across the painting of the fruit bowl, nearly tearing it from its place. It'd swung ope to reveal very surprised looking house elves, jumping over each other in order to satisfy their guests. When they left they'd spent nearly an hour touching every part of the painting until it opened for them again. She grinned thinking about it, envying her younger self, the one that wasn't riddled with problems on numerous different scales.

She neared the picture of the bowl of fruit, located the pear and tickled it, aware of Sirius still standing beside her. The picture swung open to reveal the house elves, staring at the new arrivals before bringing them in and enquiring if 'Master Black' and 'Miss Evans' would like anything. They scurried off when they nodded in consent, probably going to throw together some leftovers from dinner.

While the house elves were busy at work, Lily and Sirius took a seat at one of the tables in the kitchen, a jug of pumpkin juice already waiting for them. In a few seconds a small elf appeared on Lilys left and presented her with a platter of potatoes, vegetables and chicken. This made her stomach growl so loud it sounded like a whales mating call. She hoped no one heard it, trying to busy herself in consuming her food, not a particularly hard task when you're starving, but she saw Sirius grin at her. She sent him a death glare and went back to her food.

When one of the elves saw that she'd cleaned her plate she said, "Does Miss Evans want anything else?"

She smiled, she always loved house elves, especially the ones at Hogwarts. They were just so kind, it warmed her heart. "No, I'm fine thank you."

She wandered over to Sirius. "Can Maddy get anything for Mr Black?"

Sirius yawned. "No, I'm okay thanks. Wrap me some chocolate cake if you like?" And she dashed off, presumably to find some cake.

Lily looked over at Sirius in disbelief. "You went to dinner, you ate as much as I ate and now you want cake?"

He merely grinned and said, "A growing boy needs his food."

"I hope you stop growing soon, or you'll be too tall to enter the doorways, that could be problematic."

"You see, Evans, I am a very skilled wizard, so such obstacles would merely be nothing more than that, obstacles."

"Someone's tooting their own horn."

"Unless you wanted to toot it for me?"

"Pig."

Then Maddy was back with two containers of chocolate cake, handing one to Sirius and the other to Lily, despite her protests. Bidding farewell to the house elves with promises to come back if they ever needed anything else, they walked through the door and began to make the journey back to Gryffindor tower. Lily felt energized, a lot happier than she had previously felt. Feeling lighter than air, she ran through the deserted halls of Hogwarts, spreading her arms wide and jumping in the air as she ran in circles.

"Someone's in a good mood," he smirked at her. "Not that I object to this new found discovery but I don't think it'd be great if we alerted the entire Hogwarts population of the Head Girls new found rebellious nature."

She deflated a little when she remembered her Head Girlship. She shouldn't be acting like this, she should be following the rules, catching people doing exactly what she was and docking points or throwing out detentions. And she shouldn't have lost control in Potions, shouted and nearly screamed at the Head Boy in front of a class full of peers and a teacher. How could she expect the rest of the school to respect the rules if she didn't?

Sirius noticed her change in demeanour. He looked puzzled, mildly uncomfortable. "Evans? Did I say something wrong?" Annoyed Evans, livid Evans, funny Evans, sarcastic Evans, sassy Evans he could handle, but upset Evans? This was new to him.

She tried to smile, pulling the corners of her mouth upward to feign happiness but she failed miserably. "Yes, I'm fine."

He looked at her sceptically, knowing she was telling one of the biggest lies he may have ever heard. Feeling his eyes on her she turned towards him, seeing confusion in his eyes. They'd stopped somewhere on the 5th floor, she noticed. After a moment of silence he said, "You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but I'm here if you want someone to talk to. I may look like an unapproachable twat that'd spill all your secrets but I'm not _that_ bad."

She thought about that for a moment, knowing she'd never tell him what was really wrong but maybe a shorter version? "Er," she started uncertainly, not quite able to meet his eye. "I don't really, um, know what to tell you."

"Evans, I've known you for 6 years, nearly 7, and in all that time I have never _once_ heard you swear like that, ever. You shocked pretty much everyone in that class."

She didn't respond immediately, choosing her words carefully. "I've just had a really hellish day and momentarily lost it. Yes, it was uncalled for and I've never done anything like it in the past but I'm only human."

"I understand that, really I do, but you've got to understand why everyone was so stunned. For the past 6 years you've been the one that kept everyone in line, to an extent, I bet you know the school rule book off by heart, and you just _lost_ it. I mean completely, you just went wacko."

"Hey! I do not know the rule book off by heart," sending him a death glare.

"Now that's more like the Evans I know," he said, grinning.

She smiled slightly, her expression becoming more serious as she thought about her response. "Honestly, don't worry about me. I can sort it out; it just got on top of me, y'know? Just a momentary moment of weakness. No more diva fits, promise, or I give you permission to slap me."

"I'll hold you to that," he said, smirking. _What have I let myself in for?_

"I already regret that."

"You'd be mad if you didn't."

She simply snorted in amusement, finally starting to walk back to Gryffindor tower. The soft footfalls coming from her right indicated that Sirius was not far behind her. She wanted to thank him for the offer earlier, that he'd listen to her problems even if he didn't care but she couldn't find the words. She'd never had a serious conversation with Sirius Black in her life and the idea of having not one but _two_ in the space of an hour scared more than she'd like to admit.

She tried to string the words together in her head before she said them. "Thank you, by the way."

Confusion flittered across his face, "What for?"

"For offering to listen to me earlier. You knew I wouldn't accept because, well, I just wouldn't, but you asked anyway and that was very nice of you," she said, a little awkwardly.

"Er, no problem, I guess?" he said uncertainly.

"So what were everyones faces like when I left?" she grinned, already imagining the surprise plastered across their features, staring after her.

"It was priceless! Everyone froze for nearly a solid two minutes and were staring at the door like you'd just stripped naked in front of them and tap danced on the tables!"

She laughed, it felt good to laugh after the day she'd had. It made her feel normal, even if only for a fraction of a second. "Did Slughorn say anything?"

"Not really, he tried to regain control of the class without much luck if I'm being honest. It was one of the funniest things I have ever had the privilege to witness! But that was nothing to Prongs; he just dumbly stared at the cauldron like everything was its fault. I couldn't stop laughing, I really couldn't."

She felt her earlier guilt churning inside her, she had to apologise to James for being so out of line. "Has he said anything about it? I didn't mean for him to be the one I had a meltdown on."

"Prongs is a big boy, he'll get over it. But he's very stubborn I'll warn you. If you look in the dictionary and look up stubborn there will be a picture of Prongs." He paused. "By the way, you probably shouldn't mention to him that I put his picture in the dictionary…"

"Wait, you actually did that?" he nodded. "And he has no idea? That's hilarious! And horrible at the same time…"

"What can I say? I'm incredibly devious," he said, winking.

"I don't doubt that."

"That is probably the nicest thing you have ever said to me, Evans. Thank you."

"Wormwood."

"Wormwood? That isn't the usual response to a thank you. It's usually the classic 'no problem' or 'no worries. However, sometimes a –"

"Black, I was giving the password, you dolt."

"I knew that."

"Course you did."

They'd made it into the common room by then, still able to hear the annoyed mumblings coming from the Fat Lady at waking her up at this ridiculous hour. The common room was blissfully empty; she wouldn't like the kind of questions this could potentially arouse. She hadn't realised how tired she was, her eyelids drooping slightly in the raised lighting.

"You should sleep you know, you look like hell," he said, noticing her drooping lids.

"Thank you, I really needed that. It's not like you look much better, you twat," she said, smirking.

He dramatically clutched his heart, like she'd shot him in the chest. "To insult a man's looks is to bulldoze his dignity. I hope you are ashamed of yourself, Red."

"Wholeheartedly." She yawned. "I'm shattered, I'm going to bed, goodnight, Black."

"Need any help?" He asked suggestively, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Don't be a pig," she said as she made her way up the staircase.

She heard him shout "I'll take that as postponed!" as she reached the door to the seventh years dormitories.

She opened the door silently, praying it didn't creak, and made her way over to her bunk. She slipped into the covers and let sleep pull her down, not thinking about anything other than her current lethargy.

_Tomorrow,_ she reflected,_ will be much better._


End file.
